8 Things We Filipinos
Would Willingly Surrender
to the Chinese (Instead)
By Tim Henares
Admittedly, in the finicky world of international diplomatic relations, speaking softly while carrying a big stick is all we could really do in the face of a 1-billion strong adversary. We don’t want any trouble, but we kinda owned both Benham Rise and the Panatag Shoal fair and square.
Look, guys. It’s not called Yang Chow Rise, okay?
That being said, we don’t want to give the Chinese government the wrong impression and make them think we Filipinos are a selfish lot. Of course not! On the contrary, we would totally happily share a lot of indisputably Filipino things with the Chinese, and even have them own it for themselves! We’re talking about stuff like…
Don’t give me that look!
For an endangered species, we kinda got the short end of the stick.
China would happily take it upon themselves to nurse this endangered species out of the endangered list, much as they did with the panda. Speaking of which, maybe you can throw a few pandas our way, China, pretty please?
It’s the city that stopped trying, and has decided to elect a guy like Winnie Castelo to congress repeatedly, and has been unremarkable in every single way except by its sheer land size compared to its level of productivity. You might call Quezon City the New Jersey of the Philippines, and if by that you mean it’s the secret shame of Metro Manila (as opposed to our not-so-secret shame of Manila itself), then you would absolutely be correct. Let’s face it: if you take away Ateneo and UP, would you really care much about Quezon City at all? Yeah, didn’t think so.
Feel free to collect anytime, China. Just stay away from everything else.
No explanations needed, China. Just go ahead and take the entire genre with you.
Now don’t go hog wild and take all of our rice, but China, feel free to have some of ours. That way, you won’t have to do something insane, like make rice out of plastic just so you could feed and poison your populace all at the same time.