8 Reasons Why There Are No Serial Killers in the PH by Wincy Aquino Ong
I'll stop you before you can shoot me:
Okay, there was Filipino-American Andrew Phillip Cunanan.
(Technically, he doesn't count since he stalked the streets of California.)
Okay, there's the odd one here and there like Mark Dizon, the gadget-obsessed expat-killer of Angeles, or Dennis Garcia, the psycho-rapist of Rizal. And then there are those fictional night-stalkers who occasionally bob their head in local TV shows, movies and college short films from Ateneo.
But aside from the rare exceptions, all is sunny and splatter-free in this part of the Pacific.
Here are eight reasons I have cooked, anthropological or otherwise.
Filipinos live with their parents
How can one turn into a homicidal maniac when they're thirty-plus years old and they still live with Nanay and Tatay? Yes, Dear Reader, pent-up sociopathic tendencies can't hold a candle to Mom's classic chicken tinola.
It's close to impossible to feel isolated in the philippines
Serial killers are often the products of a hermetic life in faraway towns, where days can go by without having a conversation with anyone except your stuffed bald eagle. Here in the Philippines, thanks to barangay radio and your seven to eight siblings, solitude is a luxury. Good luck with isolation, Ted Bundy Fans Club.
Filipinos enjoy chismis
To paraphrase the writer Jessica Zafra: 'Detective' is just a prettier word for chismoso. How can one orchestrate a secret string of murders when by Murder One, good ol' ManangTekla from next door already knows about all the women you've dated and all the skeletons in your closet?
There are many others ways to reach celebrity status
The primary motivation of most serial killers is attention; they just want their fifteen minutes of fame. In a country where there are reality searches and dance contests every afternoon and where almost everyone has at least been seen on Eat Bulaga!, who needs extreme measures?
It's a hot country
Cold weather makes sad bastards out of people who may eventually turn into mass murderers. Sunnier climes send out Vitamin D and make happy, little, brown elves.
It's a country big on religion
Filipinos who are at the end of their rope don't hack up people and box them Gwyneth-like. Instead they join Christian fellowships and get their kumbaya-yas out.
Psychological disorders practically don't exist here
In the Philippines, experts in Psychology don't get to wear slick suits and spend evenings in Arkham Asylum interviewing criminal geniuses. They're either working in Human Resources or Social Media Marketing in some office in Makati. 'Clinical depression' or 'anti-social behavior' are afflictions of the coño. The only shrink the average Filipino visits is named Dr. Tanduay.
It's more fun the philippines
The Filipino people are people who see swimming pools while other see floods, people who dance the Kendeng-Kendeng in the face of the apocalypse. We're the happiest elves in the world. There's no place for you here, Norman Bates.
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Oniot
December 20, 2012
It's crazy fun in the Philippines!
juan masipag
December 19, 2012
why is it so difficult to some of us to accept that there are good things about us, filipinos? why can we not just be happy about it? considering that education can now be enjoyed by more people in the philippines, let us hope and pray that none of us is still suffering from a psychological and mental incapacity called CMS (colonial mentality syndrome). after all, there is no more excuse for this deficiency. let us not be misled by these filipino haters. a serial killer enjoys psychological gratification from taking lives of people.
patjvera
December 18, 2012
Some years before, like in the 1900s, there were what we called juramentados. This started when Pershing tried to pacify the moslems of mindanao. Later on when people run amuck, we call them juramentados. But now this is few and far between. I believe it is because our inherent love or fear of the Almighty that is the great deterrent. We never lose hope(well almost)
Ernie
December 18, 2012
Ang galing galing talaga ng Pinoy at talagang iba talaga ang Pilipinas, only in the Philippines!
aaron
December 18, 2012
Sorry to say but your piece is flawed. Killing in the Philippines occur everyday, as if it's a way of life. Do you even watch the news?
Perla Day Cuenca
November 6, 2012
Filipinos are so smart, he or she may get away with it without you or anybody knowing it. There are psychopaths out there and no one can do anything about that! Although, touché to the list. It's funny!
Joe Umali
November 5, 2012
I think its the rice. Notice that none among rice eating Asians are into that kind of target shooting? I hope whoever wins the coming US election would impose a mandatory diet of rice among Americans.
Ardeend
October 29, 2012
Satire this may be but two words: Ruben Ecleo.
Joelynn Milligan
October 27, 2012
it's more fun here.
Juan de la Cruz
October 25, 2012
What this article avoids are the serial rapists, pedophiles, murderers and thieves that getaway because of corruption, connections and money. Compared to its neighbors, 'pinas is a backward slum stuck dreaming of its heyday populated with a lot of arrogant, biased and ignorant hypocrits concerned only with their selfish wants.
ydeats
October 25, 2012
local crimes cannot be compared to those of ted bundy and ed gein. we have serial rapist, serial bank robbers and serial akyat bahay!!! and why would you bother killing with the same modus operandi when the police will not even bother in deep investigation? our soco is not CSI and evidence is haphazardly handled. so yes, there are no serial killers in the philippines!!!
Eric
October 25, 2012
Nice! We Filipinos treat problems and challenges as blessings in disguise.
chocolat
October 25, 2012
i dont think so.. di nyo lang alam kung san sila nagtatago
christin
October 24, 2012
true..somehow pinoys have so many ways to vent out their pent up feelings. Videoke dun, videoke dito..ayos na..
anish
October 24, 2012
Amen to that! Agree 100%! Those killers you named didn't grew up in the Phils so they have other values. Kaya let's all shout "It's more fun in the Philippines talaga!" =)
Anonymous
October 24, 2012
Number 2 is rather insulting. For those of us who suffer from depression and bi-polar disorder, the Philippines is like a prison. Calling it "afflictions of cono" is uncalled for. I know this list is to be taken as a joke but it just isn't funny.
E.J. Padero
October 24, 2012
Hilarious analysis. I have wondered about the same (why there aren't any) a couple of times before. I have always thought that it would be so easy to get away with serial killings here because almost everything is so third-world - especially law enforcement and government! LOL
Coco
October 24, 2012
I love this. Makes me jajajajajajajajaj, of some points, pointed out.
glenn minerva
October 24, 2012
There is only one reason. How can you be creative in killing when your stomach is aching.
Biyaheng Pinoy
October 24, 2012
I really enjoyed reading this post.
Kevin Leversee
October 23, 2012
awesome and perfect. epic. I laughed and about everyone I know laughed. This will go Viral. Big time.
DAtu Andal
October 23, 2012
Because the psychopaths in The Philippines who kill more people than the "Serial Killers" are not called Serial Killers but are called: - Datu - GOvernor - Congressman - Senator - Colonel - General - etc... And they get away with it all the time until the end of their fruitful (for them) lives.
Kel Fabie
October 23, 2012
Umm... the Ampatuans are NOT serial killers. The Ampatuan massacre was a crime of political motivation. It wasn't a serial murder. Learning what the term "serial killer" actually means before you "correct" the author with your "knowledge" is a really cool idea.
Joshua
October 23, 2012
i just love this post! Proud to be PINOY!!
Exotic Philippines
October 23, 2012
Great post! Loved it! True but really, I haven't heard of any serial killers here in the country so far... Love this article! Sharing it on my fan page and friends!
Asnallar
October 23, 2012
Hehe, I wrote something similar 6 years ago: "There are no vampires in Manila" http://asnallar.blogspot.com/2006/11/there-are-no-vampires-in-manila.html
jerald
October 23, 2012
the author hasn't heard of the Ampatuans or vigilantes dressed as cops.
aldren
October 23, 2012
ahahaha great post! super funny! Thank you for posting!
scrEaMing mANgo
October 23, 2012
I believe that. Even with the crimes we see day in, day out on local news, I don't hink we could ever produce a real serial killer, scheming up elaborate plans, stalking potential victims. Most of the time a killing spree is triggered with just a bottle of gin to blame. Remember, every "crime-scene" in a Philippine setting is almost always so contaminated by UZIs that nothing can be used. And what you listed made sense, in between guffaws and shrill screams of laughter. There ought to be a runner up list: 8.5 - The "My Way" Phenomenon is only a Fad thought up by big Videoke establishments losing customers to cheaper for-rent service. 9. - A serial killer would only have to use harsh language to subdue victims and chop them up to pieces. Just post a demeaning comment on Twitter or Facebook and you'll see people crying out in agony. 10. - Methods of torture - see #9
JEY
October 23, 2012
Cool
audrey
October 23, 2012
hahahaha!! EPIC POST OF THE DAY, so hilarous!!!
androgenous
May 4, 2013
Antisocial behavior is not for conios only. In fact, it is so ingrained in our society that you don't notice it and simply accept it (which is wrong).
hannibal lecter
April 28, 2013
The Dahmers and Bundys are just people with too much time in their hands. How can you have a Dahmer or Bundy in the Philippines when majority of the population is busy with financial problems?
Margaux
March 25, 2013
I enjoyed this article very much because I am very much interested in criminal and anti-social behavior.Also, I was wondering why there weren't many psychopaths in the Philippines. Your reasons are pretty much spot-on.
Flor
January 31, 2013
Crimes in the Philippines are not usually designated as a work of a serial killer since the country has no complete and updated database of every crime committed in every provinces and barangay of our nation. It is usually reported as rub-outs, accidents and salvage. And I found it highly offensive when you state that psychological disorders does not exist in this country when in fact people with mental illness are found wandering around the streets of our country without proper care. Some of them are even chained in their basements by their relatives who are afraid of the stigma associated with having such relatives. It would be good if you will research first before writing something.
Lilu Pax
January 7, 2013
It's called SATIRE people. It's meant to be funny and amusing not offensive. sheeesh. This is a funny article. I like it.
Lushcka
January 4, 2013
Police cannot link killings of supposedly serial killers here because there's no such thing as good crime scene investigation. Before SOCO arrive in the scene, the neighbors, barangay tanods already ruined the crime scene. Duh!
Aloha Cerro
January 3, 2013
Lahat naman ng bansa at kultura may upside at may downside. Pakitaas ang kamay ng perpekto??!??? Sa pamilya namin, tanggap at yakap namin ang maraming pangit at palpak sa Pilipinas at sa pagiging Filipino. Dahil naranasan at patuloy na nakikita ang di hamak na mas matimbang na upside -- the good and the beautiful -- of our beloved Philippines. Pango man kami o pandak -- we are proud to be PINOYS!!! yehey!!!