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The 8 Stages of Porn Videos

Totally SFW. But of course.

| February 15, 2017

The 8 Stages of Porn Videos

By Tim Henares

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Avenue Q said it best: the internet is indeed for porn, but porn comes in all shapes and sizes (if you know what I mean). From the most vanilla of vanilla to the things that should put you on watchlists somewhere, here are the typical 8 steps into one’s forays into becoming a true-blue pornoisseur.

Not included in this discussion: magazines. Just so you know.

Ero-Anime

Also known as Hentai, most of us started out with this, mainly because it was the easiest to disguise from our parents. From La Blue Girl to Cool Devices, we got a smattering of the most bizarre types of porn we could get our hands on, all “sanitized” by the fact that they’re not real people.

 

Softcore

This is the first stage for people who are still squeamish about seeing naughty bits connecting with other naughty bits. Softcore porn, amazingly, is normally shot at the same time as hardcore porn, just from different angles so as to conceal what needs to be concealed. When even that isn’t enough, people naturally graduate to…

 

Hardcore

Ah, yes. Vanilla hardcore porn is ever so popular, normally with qualifiers such as race and number of participants. From Tarzan X to Pirates, we’re talking about the true classics of the industry right here. Once we decide to “refine” our tastes further, we move on to…

 

Parodies

In response to people who insist that porn is merely PWP (Plot? What plot?), Porn Parodies, such as Axel Braun’s Batman XXX, are labors of love that prove these guys know how to make hilarious parodies of their source material. For when we want our porn to mean something more than just mindless boning. Once we’re done with this pretentiousness, we then evolve to…