This Week in Weird News: Snakes and Alien Mummies

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This Week in Weird News: Snakes and Alien Mummies

All our dreams are coming true. Nightmares, too.

| July 14, 2017

5. Is this a real alien mummy?

Gaia, who described themselves as a “member-supported conscious media company,” claim to have discovered an alien “mummy” in Peru. Why is it an alien? Well, it has six fingers and six toes and has an elongated head. However, artificial cranial deformation was a wide practice done in ancient Latin America.

In the video, Michael Aseev, head of the genetic analysis department at the Russian Academy of Science, says that the species in question can be a woman due to a missing Y chromosome.

However, Unilad made a bit of snooping on their own and found that Aseev is not listed as a member of the Russian Academy of Science or as a part of the Institute of Molecular Genetics. HE SITS ON A THRONE OF LIES.

Furthermore, it turns out three of the people who discovered the “alien” have a long history of creating hoaxes. One of them claims to own a camera that can take photos of souls. SOULS. Their souls must be black from all the lies.

Also, why does the mummy look so white instead of having a leathery texture? The mummy looks like a rejected project that some second grader with a chip on his shoulder made?

This is why we can’t have nice things.


6. Giant, trillion ton iceberg breaks off from Antarctica


One of the largest icebergs ever recorded just broke off from Antarctica. The iceberg is about 5,800-square kilometres in size and 350 meters thick, just like your mom.

Larsen C, the ice shelf, lost 12% of its total surface area from the crack. Though icebergs calving from Antarctica are normal, one of this size can pose a potential risk to shipping traffic.

Scientists are also unable to determine if the iceberg will stay in one place, or drift off an break into different pieces.


7. Mantises are apparently killing birds and feasting on their brains

In more nature is scary news, new studies have shown praying mantises kill and eat small birds.

How do they eat them? Speaking to Newsweek, Biologist William Brown of the State University of New York at Fredonia says they “pierce the skull to feed on brain tissue.” Ecologist Dietrich Mebs further added by saying “They just hold, and they eat them while they are still alive, slowly and slowly until there is nothing left.”

It turns out that though praying mantises eat things that people would love to have exterminated like insects, they also like killing things that we might find cute and cuddly, like birds. Why? Because praying mantises are assholes.


8. Winner of China’s “Most Beautiful Buttocks” can’t wear tights in public because we can’t have nice things

Women don’t exactly have an easier time than men do. Case in point, the winner of China’s “Most Beautiful Buttocks” pageant.

19-year old Gao Qian says she can’t wear her tights in public because “people would surround me and point at her backside.”

She told the Daily Mail that she was embarrassed when a couple argued in front of Gao after the man praised her backside to his girlfriend.

Whatever happened to common decency? You don’t just surround someone and point like an uneducated Neanderthal. What you should do is just stay in the background and admire from afar.