8 Movies To Watch If You’re Tired of the Christmas Spirit, You Grinch
Dec 16, 2016 • Kevin Christian L. Santos
Bad Santa
Speaking of Santa Claus, this one talks and acts like someone took a massive dump on his cereal every morning since donning the red suit.
Billy Bob Thornton plays Willie, a foul-mouthed alcoholic con man who cold care less about children gets a job as a shopping mall’s Santa Claus. He enlists the help of fellow foul-mouthed curmudgeon Marcus to play his elf to rob the mall blind. Things don’t go as planned when the mall’s manager and chief of security recognize something’s not right and get hot on Willie’s and Marcus’ trail. Meanwhile, one of Willie’s regular customers gains his sympathy and tries to instill a few Christmas lessons into our excessively-swearing antihero.
If you like your holidays with lots of alcohol, curse words, and punches to the nuts, then nothing says “Merry Christmas” like Bad Santa.
Batman Returns
Before Christian Bale became THE iconic Batman and stole our hearts as Bruce Wayne, the role was played to a T by Michael Keaton.
Tim Burton’s second Batman movie is packed with a powerhouse cast, an awesome story, and a dark atmosphere with the holiday season setting the background for Wayne’s fight against evil. Danny Devito was born to be the Penguin, Michelle Pfeiffer is perfect as Catwoman (sorry not sorry, Halle Berry), and Christopher Walken gives a great performance by being himself.
Gremlins
Want to read the worst Christmas story ever? Here goes. “It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That’s when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. Me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit.” That’s Phoebe Cates’ character talking about why she hates Christmas in Steven Spielberg’s Gremlins.
This movie reminds us to always, ALWAYS listen to instructions or else. On Christmas, Billy gets a small, furry, cute, and cuddly creature called a Mogwai as a pet, which he names Gizmo. Remember the instructions we mentioned earlier? The rules for keeping Mogwai are as follows: never expose it to sunlight, never get it wet, and never feed it after midnight. Said rules are broken, resulting in more Mogwai spawning from Gizmo’s back. The only problem is that these Mogwai aren’t cute or cuddly, these are snarling, evil killers who wreak total destruction and havoc on Billy’s city shortly after. It’s now Billy and Gizmo to stop the evil Mogwai in this horror, comedy, and sci-fi mash-up.
Die Hard
Die Hard is THE anti-Christmas movie. In the film, Bruce Willis plays John McClane, who attends the worst office Christmas party ever. How bad is it? He goes to his estranged wife’s office Christmas party at the Nakatomi Tower to patch things up. Things go from awkward to HOLY HELL when terrorist Hans Gruber and his henchmen take over the tower and start killing people and take other people hostage. McClane manages to slip away and armed with a handgun and his balls, it’s now his job to kick some terrorist ass, save his marriage, save some civilians, and save Christmas.
If you like your Christmas with lots of violence and action or just like life, period, watch Die Hard over and over again. Because the true meaning of Christmas is shooting bad guys left and right while spouting badass one-liners. Yipee-ki-yay, motherfuckers!
What are your favorite anti-Christmas movies? Tell us about them below, fellow grinch!
