8 People Who Don’t Understand How Volcanoes Work
Jan 16, 2020 • Kel Fabie
Volcanoes are no joke. They’re incredibly dangerous, and often the secret hideout for evil masterminds. But not all of us fully understand how volcanoes work, and like an insane clown when surrounded by magnets, we end up just bewildered and saying or even doing the most ridiculous things that first come to mind.
With that in mind, let’s never forget that volcanoes are dangerous, and even to this day, hanging out in the Taal area is not a good idea because there are health risks we need to consider even if it’s possible that the worst is over. Unfortunately for these 8 people, they didn’t quite get the memo.
8. The vlogger who swam in Taal Lake before it erupted.
Who: Flying Kell, a vlogger who loves posting Pinoy-baiting content because we love the validation and we lap it all up like there’s no tomorrow.
What Happened: He released a video where he went swimming with his girlfriend in Taal Lake about a week before it started acting up. He was even interviewed about it by local TV after the fact.
Wait A Minute: Why would you even swim in Taal Lake when it’s been on Alert Level 1 since March 28 of last year? And dude. Volcano. Crater. Even with “lake” attached to those words, what part of that did you not understand? Or did you miss the fact that you were practically swimming in what amounts to diluted sulfuric acid.
7. Erwin Tulfo
Who: The least famous Tulfo brother. Not the old one, not the one with the viral show, not the douchiest one with the shades and motorcycle.
What Happened: Oh, just the usual. He castigated the people who evacuated for leaving their animals behind. Because y’know, the family of five riding in a dingy boat that barely fits them should find space for a couple of horses, too. He went on air to call these people “mga kumag na may-ari,” among other choice words. Because piling on people who had to evacuate their homes is totally the cool thing to do.
Wait A Minute: Did Erwin Tulfo really think that these people would have abandoned these animals if they had a choice? These animals, regardless of how you feel about their treatment, are the source of livelihood for a lot of these evacuees. And yeah, these evacuees would be dead if they didn’t make that difficult choice. One evacuee even went so far as to record himself washing off a horse he rescued by coming back to the site, then taking the time out to give Erwin a dose of his own medicine and call him a bunch of choice names.
Pictured: a man, his horse, and a hidden middle finger.
6. This Blogga from Down Undah
Who: A blogger who is based on Australia who keeps writing about Filipinos, telling us how stupid we are, and insisting we should all “get real” or something. Because making money off of people they insult on a regular basis is such honest work.
What Happened: This brilliant tweet.
Unfortunately, three volunteers tragically died in a car crash the other day, making this statement even dumber in retrospect.
Wait A Minute: Someone has to die for something to become a tragedy? That’s the hill the person who wrote this chooses to (ahem) die on? Wrong. Tragedy comes in so many forms. When the feeling’s gone, and you can’t go on? Tragedy. When you lose control and you got no soul? It’s tragedy. Not only does this person not know a thing about volcanoes, this person has no clue about tragedy, either. The Bee Gees would be so disappointed.
5. Mon Tulfo
Who: The eldest Tulfo. The one who got into a fight with Claudine Barretto and Raymart Santiago back in the day. Clearly, obliviousness of how volcanoes work runs in the family.
What Happened: This brilliant tweet.
Here’s a genuinely legitimate time to say this: OK, Boomer.
Wait A Minute: This is why it’s hard to be a scientist in the Philippines. Again, not only was Alert 1 up in Taal since March 2019, there have been multiple updates of possible volcanic activity as it happened. But as good as Phivolcs has been at their job, they are not fortune tellers, and demanding they predict these things to the minute is patently ridiculous. What next? You want them to undo The Snap?
4. This Hate-Filled Netizen
Who: Some dude on Twitter. We’re nice. We won’t dox him.
What Happened: These brilliant tweets. All because he wanted to defend the indefensible.
Not pictured: not homophobia. Not grave threats.
Wait A Minute: Do volcano fumes turn an employee randomly into a hate-slur filled, threatening person? We don’t think that’s how volcanoes work. Faced with possible unemployment, this guy went for the “I got hacked in a net cafe” defense.
Except…
3. Tagaytay Mayor Agnes Tolentino
Who: Just the mayor of one of the cities that would be affected the most by an erupting Taal Volcano, until Mocha moves it somewhere else.
What Happened: She, along with other officials, are hoping to reopen Tagaytay businesses by the weekend. Never mind the multiple health advisories handed out that imply otherwise.
Wait A Minute: Did we mention the health risks yet? Because even if the volcano never explodes (and it still could as of this writing), the fumes coming from the volcano are still a genuine health concern. And yes, the mayor of Tagaytay wants you to go see the volcano in its majesty, while it’s acting up. Someone needs to get their priorities in check.
2. This Commenter. Just Look At It. Seriously.
Who: This random commenter.
What Happened: This brilliant comment.
Why didn’t anyone think of that?!?
Wait A Minute: No, I don’t think the comment needs any further commentary. Just read it and weep. And when you weep, maybe do it by the crater so you can “water the mouth or opener of the volcano,” because that’s apparently a thing.
1. Senator Tito Sotto
Who: Our esteemed Senate President. Also, one of the main hosts of Eat Bulaga.
What Happened: This brilliant Tweet.
Remember, he’s our Senate President. If the President and VP go, he’s next in line.
Wait A Minute: This guy lived through 1991’s Pinatubo and the subsequent rainy season that produced the infamous lahar mess that took Pampanga the better part of a decade to recover from. And now, he wants to directly cause that?!? This isn’t even considering the sheer amount of sulfur in the area for cloud seeding to turn into sulfuric acid rain if given the chance. And we’re supposed to listen to this guy about anything other than how to run a successful noontime show?!?
Stay in school, kids. And donate:
*The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author. These views and opinions do not necessarily represent those of the 8List.ph.
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