8 Sub-Groups That Were Inadvertently Attacked By the Jason-Moira Split
Jun 3, 2022 • Kel Fabie
Jun 3, 2022 • Kel Fabie
Look: we’re not here to make judgments about Jason Hernandez, much less Moira. What’s happened has indeed happened, and let’s just let them move on with their personal lives. We’ve already been political experts, then defamation law experts, then marriage counselors now all in a span of one month? Yeah, maybe we need to give our armchairs a rest here. If only the rest of the world worked that way, right?
Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn’t work that way, and in an effort to “prevent” further cheating from happening, they started to look for patterns where they didn’t exist. In doing so, some poor, innocent people got wrongfully accused of being potential cheaters, and we can’t have that.
This 8List is our effort to clear the names of…
What can I say? Whenever we want to say “not all men are trash,” the guy saying just that turns out to be the epitome of trash.
We know that cheating happens to men, women, and non-binaries, but there’s a reason why the classic joke is “What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times?”* and not the other way around. Thankfully, there are more than enough people out there willing to disprove the stereotype. Let’s just keep that going.
* A widow.
Jon Gutierrez, aka King Badger allegedly cheated on his wife, Jelai Andres. Twice.
Justin Bieber cheated on Selena Gomez. Taylor Swift confirmed it, so this one must be true.
Jason Magbanua allegedly cheated with bridesmaids (possibly even brides-to-be) at weddings he videographed.
Jake Borja Cruz, aka Skusta Clee, allegedly cheated on Zeinab Harake. Twice.
And of course, we have Jason Hernandez. Coincidence? Some people think not. Unfortunately for you, if your name starts with a “J,” there is now additional suspicion that you might be a cheater.
Do people with “Jr.” in their name count? I wonder. Oh, right. We don’t hold certain types of people to the same standards we do Moira’s soon-to-be-ex-husband.
You know what special gift Moira gave Jason some time ago that really stood out in people’s minds?
It was a PS5. Next thing you know, all gamers of all stripes got very ugly looks all around. Preposterous.
Any real gamer would know that if Jason really used his PS5 especially once Elden Ring came out, then he wouldn’t even find the time to cheat on anyone. Period.
Score one for the guys who just get down on a knee in private! Jason’s well-publicized surprise proposal at Moira’s music video shoot now reeks of irony after this news has come out.
But hindsight is always 20/20, and while cheating is a choice, it’s rarely a plan from Day 1, so nothing should be ironic about someone so in love wanting to make the love of his life happy – even if that love didn’t really last. That’s on him. That’s not on love.
Because Jason sang at his own wedding instead of just hiring a wedding singer like the rest of us, it’s now taboo to sing at your own wedding. They’re even extending that rule to Moira, labeling it as a “jinx” that made the cheating inevitable.
Well, if that keeps Daniel Padilla from singing at his own wedding in the future…
Religious people, or at least, those who are very public about their faith, are now under fire for being hypocrites, considering how very vocal Jason was about his godly life, yet there he is, cheating on Moira. Of course, they conflated this with other religious people who are also hella hypocritical themselves, but this is not a political 8List, so let’s move on.
Let’s just not forget one thing: Moira is also religious, and she did nothing wrong here. So to paint all religious people with such a broad brush? Totally not fair.
Yep, you’ve seen the picture by now. Worse, King Badger double dips in that photo collage because not only did he cry on his wedding day, his name also starts with a “J.” It’s also very likely he’s a gamer, on top of that, so he’s like a walking confirmation of the so-called pattern, along with Jason.
But see, maybe it’s why they’re crying at their own wedding that should be the warning flag, and not just the crying itself.
For example: if they were crying that their days of playing the field are over, then yeah. That’s definitely a hint that they’d cheat on you when the chance arises.
But if they’re just crying over how much the wedding is going to cost them, then perfectly normal! Carry on.
Oh, wait. Did I say we should clear their name, too? Screw ‘em. Let them suffer the consequences of their actions.
And maybe cheaters are the only sub-group of people we really should be lashing out at over cheating, because, y’know. Cheating. This isn’t rocket science.
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Kel Fabie. is a DJ, host, mentalist, satirist, comedian, and a long-time contributor to 8List (Hello, ladies!). He has an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, and two other weirdly-named pet dogs. He blogs on mistervader.com.
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