Bakit ako nakaka-relate?

This song is about two women wondering out loud how it would feel like to have a trouser snake. As a cisgendered male, this should not be something I ever wonder about, yet why is it that I can relate to this song?

Is it because they ask questions about our Kielbasa that most men have just taken for granted? Perhaps. Is it because they think about situations they’d find themselves in that we’ve already encountered with our meat stick? Highly likely. It doesn’t matter who you are: you will find common ground with this song, even if it’s clearly a song about wondering what it’s like to have your own undercover brother when you don’t have one.

Ano nga ba pangalan nung akin?

Surprisingly, I’ve never bothered to name my Philly cheesesteak. Why does it feel like naming it would be such a douchey thing to do, unless if it’s a deliberately self-deprecating one, like “Tiny?”

Bakit nga ba hindi “Susan”  na  lang yung pangalan?

I really think more bushwhackers need to be named Susan. It has a nice ring to it. The world would be a better place if men had no problem with naming their pocket rockets “Susan.” Or “Reginald Samuel Thelonius III.” That works, too.

Have I ever wondered what it’s like to have what they have?

I plead the fifth. Let them wonder about having a third leg all they want, but me thinking about being part of that world? Let’s not talk about that.

Pwede ba magpataasan ng wiwi kung walang (word that rhymes with wiwi)?

Surely, it’s not just people with sniper rifles who get to engage in pissing contests with each other, right? And how different are their strategies inevitably going to be from ours? Inquiring minds need to know.

Kailan ako huling nagkaroon ng di-inaasahang flag ceremony?

Unexpected flags at full mast are the absolute worst, especially when they happen at very compromising times. The song describes a particular situation I would hope to never encounter, but when was the last time I had one of these bone-headed moments where my lightsaber refuses to defuse when I need it to?

If there’s one silver lining to being in the world’s longest lockdown, it’s probably the certainty that whenever it was, it definitely did not happen during awake.

Paano naging wholesome itong kantang ‘to?

This song has mentioned Big Bird a total of 41 times, yet for some reason, this song doesn’t feel dirty at all. What is this sorcery?!?

Bakit nga ba ang shampoo, ‘Day lang ang nagdudugo?!?

In some ways, as an owner of my very own Mt. Apo, I will always have it easier. Isn’t it strange how we keep calling the ones who have to endure childbirth, bleeding on a monthly basis, and random other kinds of suffering we dong-havers never have to go through as the “fairer” sex? Tsk.

Where did this modern masterpiece take your thoughts? Tell us about it in the comments.