Recently, there has been a massive uproar over the internet over the apparent leak of the identities of users who were on the infamous adultery website, Ashley Madison. In fact, two suicides are allegedly being linked to this massive hack, because heaven knows we need to feel sorry for people who are cheating on the person they promised their lifelong loyalty to.

We understand the plight of all the cheaters out there. After all, if your name isn’t Senator Juan Ponce Enrile, “life is short.” This, according to the Ashley Madison website, is enough reason to “have an affair.”

And while they can swear all they want that they supposedly had a pay-to-delete option for your personal information, I think the last thing we should do is trust a website that encourages people to desecrate the very thing that married relationships are supposed to be all about.

We share your worries and concerns that trusting a website as reliable and legit as Ashley Madison might affect you negatively somehow. Here are 8 ways you can protect yourself from that kind of risk.

The easiest way to avoid being blackmailed or extorted for having an affair is by not having one. Try not to have an affair, especially one conducted on a website like Ashley Madison. You might be surprised how well it helps you from getting busted.

Ginusto mo ‘yan, ‘teh/chong. You got married, so you painted yourself into a corner. If you want to do something more constructive, might I suggest fighting to have divorce legalized? That might be a better use of your time. This stupid thinking that keeping a sinking ship trudging on for the sake of heaven-knows-what has got to go, because it clearly causes more harm than good.

Those lights don’t signify married bliss.

Sensible advice, guys: you married her, you stick by her. This isn’t even a question of morals or whatnot. It’s just a plain expectation of you living up to your promise.

What’s (not) good for the goose is also (not) good for the gander. Don’t. Just don’t. Ashley Madison is not your friend. You might even have better luck with Tinder.

The site is compromised. You can’t expect to hold them to their word that your data is secure. Also, it helps if you don’t have an affair in the first place. This is a common piece of advice often overlooked by people who are worried about being caught having an affair.

Whatever these ways are for you on a personal level, find them! So long as they don’t hurt other people or betray the trust given by your supposedly lifelong spouse to you, pursue it! Finding something else to do other than having an affair is a surefire way to not get caught ever having an affair–because you don’t have one.

Did we say this before already? Yes, we did, but it bears repeating. It’s such a simple tip, but a lot of people don’t seem to get it. Sometimes, accidents happen. Sometimes a guy trips (while naked) and falls into a girl, again and again. Inappropriately. Not cheating on your spouse minimizes the risk of this “accident” from happening.

Studies have shown that the leading thing in common in extramarital affairs is, get this, marriage. Therefore, it is empirically true that you can’t possibly be having an affair behind your husband’s or wife’s back if you don’t have a husband or wife, to begin with. This sounds like a reasonable precaution to take against ever engaging in an extramarital affair.

If you were expecting sympathy for being potentially exposed for the cheating bastard that you probably are, you’ve come to the wrong article. An apology would be in order, but that would be just as insincere as you ended up being about your wedding vows.

Do you have any advice on the topic? Share it with us in the comments below!