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8 Reasons The Baste-Torre Fight NEEDS To Happen

  • Posted on Jul 25, 2025Jul 25, 2025
  • 3 minute read
  • Kel Fabie
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8 Reasons The Baste-Torre Fight NEEDS To Happen

Jul 25, 2025   •   Kel Fabie

Because politics really is “showbiz for ugly people,” Davao City Acting Mayor Baste Duterte has challenged PNP Chief General Nicolas Torre III to a good old-fashioned fistfight — yes, an actual, literal, mano-a-mano slugfest. No subpoenas. No privilege speeches. Just fists, pride… and the collective embarrassment of the Filipino people.

And the best part? It’s now for charity. General Torre, channeling his inner Manny Pacquiao, accepted the challenge and even proposed staging it at the Rizal Memorial Coliseum, with proceeds going to typhoon and flood victims. Daniel LaRusso and Rocky Balboa, eat your hearts out!

Frankly, we’re not just in favor of this fight happening: we think it should set a precedent (to the president – because bars).

Here are 8 reasons why the Baste-Torre bout NEEDS to happen… and why maybe, just maybe, more officials should start throwing hands instead of shade.

8. We’re tired of passive-aggressiveness. Time to get active-aggressive!

Public officials have a poor rep for being all talk, no action. Well, then the time for talking is over! Let’s get it on!

7. We have even bigger dream matches we want to see next!

If this all works out, then who’s to say we can’t have even bigger fights for charity? Can you imagine the possibilities with a fight between [EDITOR’S NOTE: Name Redacted] vs. [EDITOR’S NOTE: Name Redacted]? How about a fight between [EDITOR’S NOTE: Name Redacted] vs [EDITOR’S NOTE: Name Redacted]? Those would be epic – [EDITOR’S NOTE: Only if we wanted to get sued.]!

6. Finally, a government project that can finish in a few minutes!

Forget Build Build Build for the next two decades or so with unimaginable traffic woes in between, here comes Punch Punch Punch and boom, successful government project in most likely a round or two! Do you really expect this fight to go the distance?

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8 Excuses Politicians Conveniently Come Up With To Evade Accountability
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5. So we can finally check out a certain back tattoo

If someone decides to box with a rash guard on, #AlamNa! Or was that hitting below the pork barrel?

(Wrong brother? Maybe. But we’re still watching.)

4. This is the closest thing to transparency we’ll ever get

It really is, isn’t it? Two shirtless and sweaty dudes slugging it out is about as raw and honest as it ever gets with our officials.

And with Manny Pacquiao currently not an elected official, nobody has an unfair advantage in our new trial-by-combat era!

3. The training montages will feed generations

Have you seen General Torre training in the rain? How about his open gym sessions? He’s just one Peter Cetera or Survivor soundtrack away from joining the all-time greats like Cobra Kai and Rocky!

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8 Reasons Politicians Need To Keep Their Cool (Even When Being Called Out)
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2. It might actually solve something for once

Maybe this fight can help them understand each other better. Or maybe they’d knock each other silly. Either way, we could all use the win.

Pictured: Government Policy.

1. Ultimately, the flood and typhoon victims need all the help they can get

The real reason is also the least funny one: that money goes a long way to helping the victims of the recent typhoon, and these officials need to at the very least honor that part, fight or no fight.

Then they need to get back to work and actually do their f’n job.

 

Wishful thinking, I know.


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  • Baste Duterte
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  • politics
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Kel Fabie

Kel Fabie. is a DJ, host, mentalist, satirist, comedian, and a long-time contributor to 8List (Hello, ladies!). He has an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, and two other weirdly-named pet dogs. He blogs on mistervader.com.

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