We should never be complacent

The first sign that not everything was as it seemed was during the Christmas Eve’s Drop episode,’ a podcast Delamar was a part of, along with fellow radio legends Monica, Gelli, and Jude Rocha. Chico was a surprise guest, and Delamar, who recently migrated, was back in Manila for the holidays. What was supposed to be a joyous reunion ended up being a cliffhanger to everyone who ever felt invested in the Chico and Delamar tandem, as we saw the two longtime friends turn from overjoyed to admitting that their friendship is now “a developing story.”

In the nicest, vaguest of terms, it seemed that Chico and Delle’s friendship was on the rocks because after leaving the show, Delamar’s newfound focus on motherhood came into conflict with Chico’s defense mechanism of detaching himself from people when he feels like they are drifting apart. Neither of them really discussed this in the open until the episode, and all of a sudden, Chico plainly labeled the moment as “solian ng kandila.” We know all too well what that means.

The Lesson: It’s easy to take things for granted, and to get complacent, especially with the people around us. Sometimes, it’s important to realize that not everything can be taken at face value. For the two of them, they probably realized this long ago. For their fans, all but a few exceptions were completely unprepared for this. We just took it for granted that from now until the end of time, it’s gonna be Chico and Delamar. Imagine the other things and people we take for granted like this until we realize it’s gone. Do we really want to wait until it gets to that point?

We need to know when we’re not wanted – and walk away with our dignity intact.

The following episode of the Eve’s Drop, Delle was part of the show, although she was back in Utah. They recapped the Christmas Eve episode, and upon giving the previous podcast a listen, Delle simply did not hold back. She truly felt at the time that the friendship has gotten untenable because, she opined, that it was no longer convenient. “It was a total rejection (of our friendship and our partnership),” she said. And to go over who said what, and who was wrong or right, was simply no longer important. But what was important, in the face of what seemed to be a “conscious uncoupling” between the two, brought about by one’s defense mechanisms and another’s inevitable absence?

“I don’t doubt that if I call him (he would take my call). But what’s not being said is that ‘we cannot be friends today,’ and I couldn’t understand why not. And then I thought, it’s not important why not, it’s important that it’s a ‘no.’”

“I am done with trying to negotiate with people to love me, to ask them to approve of me,” she wistfully realized. For her, it’s time to stop being a part of any conversation where she has to beg for acceptance. It’s also a conversation we all should learn to walk away from.

The Lesson: We have people who mean the world to us, and for reasons beyond our control, they simply don’t want to be a part of our lives any longer. Sometimes, we think we deserve an explanation. We need an acceptable reason. But there will be none forthcoming. Because they don’t owe it to us, any more that we owe our continued pining for them. It could be a lover. A friend. Even family. We all deserve better than to have to beg to be loved or accepted.

The most painful endings are the ones where there’s nobody to blame.

If something like this happened to nearly any other fandom I could think of, battle lines would be drawn. There will be competing hashtags of #TeamChico and #TeamDelle and maybe even #TeamMagbatiNaKayo among all the Rushers out there. But the fandom that makes up the Morning Rush, particularly the one that existed since The Morning Rush consisted of Chico and Delamar, simply know better. It’s nobody’s fault. And that’s what makes it more painful.

The Lesson: When you can just point the finger at someone else and say “hey, it’s your fault this friendship fell apart,” it’s actually easier. You know who’s responsible. Even if it’s your fault, if you’re willing to admit it to yourself, it makes it easier as well. Because you can own up to it and move on. But when it’s nobody’s fault? It’s more difficult because you’ll always end up wondering what could have been done differently to not have led you to this point, and you can’t quite pinpoint those things the way you would if you knew who was at fault.

You may be the best of friends, but you may not see friendship the same way.

While nothing short of listening to both podcasts would give you the clearest picture of what transpired and got anyone who cared about the Chico and Delamar tandem talking and blowing up, this needs to be said: nothing is for certain, and we are in no position to draw conclusions for them. Despite that, what is clear is that despite how close they were, they understood friendship in fundamentally different ways.

The Lesson: Relationships, including friendships, are never one-size-fits-all. The fact is, some of us may be low-maintenance, but others may feel that once you’re out of sight, you’re out of mind. These are differences we need to respect, and we need to account for. Sometimes, we can save a friendship despite these differences. Other times, we simply need to understand that meeting halfway demands too much of us, and if it does, we shouldn’t force ourselves to go that far. Again, friendship is given – not begged for.

We should only compromise to a point.

He could compromise, and simply not distance himself from her despite his fears and how he feels about the physical distance. She could also compromise and go back to the Philippines and to RX 93.1 and reform the dynamic duo, as improbable as that sounds. But why would either of them have to do that to save a friendship? It is what it is.

The Lesson: Compromise is important, of course. However, once you are no longer being true to yourself, once you are now ignoring your own well-being, the compromises need to stop. To us, outside looking in, all these issues are so easy to paper over, and if we were Chico or Delle, we’d fix that friendship in a jiff. But we are not Chico or Delle, and even we have our own limitations that we need to be aware of.

Honesty can forgive so many other sins.

Allow me to be personal for a moment. I’ll be honest here and say that writing this as someone who has been both a fan and a friend to them for the last two decades feels surreal, and I could very well be saying things that could hurt either of them, or could be taken the wrong way. I recognize that. But writing this list is also my way of helping anyone who may find themselves in a situation similar to them, or to me – whether a kindred Rusher who’s asking what happened to Chico and Delle, or someone who lost somebody special to them without fully understanding why.

The Lesson: Honesty is important, even if the thing we need to say can be awkward or uncomfortable, or even painful. Because not saying it means those issues will always linger. Those questions will always remain in our heads. As a friend and a fan, I am devastated. Yet at the same time, all I can do is write this list, in hopes that enough people feel the same way, because these feelings are universal. And maybe the realization that none of us ever truly have all the answers is one we need to make.

As fans, of course we want to see the Kikay Barkada all back together, maybe on a podcast, if not under one room. But we also need to recognize that this is not for us to say, and we need to respect that our expectations no longer match the reality of the situation — and that is nobody’s fault.

Friendship can happen for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Did you know that in the Friendship episode of Str8 Up, Chico was supposed to guest? Well, it didn’t happen, and now, we can look at that and this entire episode in a new context, in light of what has happened. The episode may have taken up the topic of “the evolution of friendship,” but it’s not just the concept that evolves – it’s also every living friendship out there that evolves every single moment.

The Lesson: We want to think all our important friendships will last forever, but not all do. Some friendships will happen for a reason. They are all real. They are all important. But recognizing which is which is a lifelong skill we can only hope to learn.

We can never say never.

If you told me in 2015 that within five years, that the only Kikay Barkada member who will be left in The Morning Rush would be Chico, I’d have bet you a million bucks it wouldn’t happen. If you told me next that Chico and Delamar’s friendship would be a question mark in 2020, I’d laugh at you, then bet another million. This is why I am not a gambling man.

The Lesson: In life, nothing is ever for certain. For those of us who thought that Chico and Delamar would be on RX until we were old and gray, for those of us who believed that friendships like theirs are absolutely unbreakable, it’s a sobering thing to realize that nothing is ever guaranteed. But it’s also consoling to know that however things may be for them today, none of it will ever be set in stone. Like them, we are free to move on and write our destiny the way we see fit. Maybe they’ll be best of friends again next year. Maybe they won’t. We’ll never know until it happens or it doesn’t. And ultimately, that’s the beauty of life – every new day is a chance for us to write our story, and no matter who’s there or who isn’t in our life, that story can still be wonderful.

For now, all we can do is wish Chico and Delle the best, wherever life takes them, and to do the same for ourselves. May we all walk the best paths that we can every day of our lives.

Is the friendship of Chico and Delamar truly over? Share your thoughts with us below.