4.

“And siyempre, last, but certainly not the least, Senator Bongbong Marcos, ang Vice President sa puso ko…”

President Duterte fears nothing – except hurting Bongbong’s feelings. Awwww!!!

“I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative.”

3.

“Sa lahat ng mga LP members diyan na bigla na lang naglipatan sa partido ko, mga P#$@% ninyo!”

What we really hope he had to say when the joint session nervously laughed when he pointed out hardly anyone on that floor had his back when he was running for president, yet here they all are now, trying to curry his favor.

Started from the bottom, now we here….

2.

“Bago ang lahat, to my Communications Secretary, Martin, you have six months to make sure Radyo Ng Bayan beats ‘Love Radio’ as the #1 station in Metro Manila. Kailangan pa bang i-memorize iyan?”

Yeah, we would cry too, if we were Secretary Andanar…

*Insert obnoxious laugh track here*

1.

“At dahil ang SONA na ito ay dinirek ni Brillante Mendoza, nandito po si Coco Martin at si Mercedes Cabral para sa isang artistic na bed scene!”

WTF was up with those shots of the president’s hands, by the way?!?

Buti na lang bagong gupit kuko ni #PresidentDuterte! Ibang klase mga Brillante Mendoza shots 💅🏼 #SONA2016 pic.twitter.com/utlUut53kS

— SENYORA (@Senyora) July 25, 2016

“Chong, pare, dude. Art iyan. Art.” – Someone likely to wear a cardboard sign soon

What did you think about President Duterte’s first SONA?

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