Not that this 8List has anything to do with current events, but this matter seems like a good thing to bring up right now, doesn’t it?

Ever noticed that whenever a political figure gets arrested for any reason, suddenly, something comes up that gets in the way of justice being served? Isn’t that just the way their luck goes?

Here now are just some of those ways these people loooooove to pretend that suddenly they’re the victim.

8. Suddenly, God is on their side

If you think it’s difficult to hide behind something small so people would let you be, look no further than the people who hide behind the crucifix to tell people that if they are so God-fearing, how could they possibly be the bad guy, right? Oh, stop!

7. It’s a conspiracy

It doesn’t matter that they were fully in power just a while ago. It doesn’t even matter that they were literally among the powers that be just a cup of coffee ago. Suddenly, they’re powerless, and suddenly, everyone’s out to get them. The past admin? Check. The current admin, assuming they’re not part of it? Double check.

The deep state? We have no idea what the heck that is, but check, check, and check! Surely, when everyone is up against you, it’s because they’re all the bad guys and you’re the one who’s absolutely right, right? Suuuuure.

6. Vacation mode

Right when word comes out that someone is about to get arrested, isn’t it so convenient that they’re already on a plane out of here and headed lord knows where? Isn’t it awesome that they have the ability to just up and disappear like that whenever they want, unlike the students and children that were killed in cold blood who don’t even know how to ride a motorcycle, let alone get on a plane to get out of the country?

Some people have all the luck. And they still have the gall to pretend they’re the oppressed ones!

5. Mutually assured destruction

You know why this stuff rarely happens? Because a lot of these people with a lot of dirt on them also have a ton of dirt on other people. The reason they rarely go down is the minute they do, everyone else goes down with them like a stack of S&R Dominoes. Usually, it takes someone who either is miraculously still clean, or simply doesn’t give a flying F if they’re next.

4. The MacArthur

Ever tried resigning from your position at the height of the controversy, citing “nation over position” as some vague reason or some other?

Afterwards, ever ended up running again and again after you’ve managed to let the controversy die down? Guess what? It works! Boom!

3. Suddenly, they’re too old for this $4!7

For “humanitarian” reasons, let’s not put the person who was anything but humanitarian on trial and never arrest them! Brilliant.

A few weeks later, watch them live it up at some high-end party they themselves put together, or star in some stupid reality show because that’s a way to rehabilitate your image!

2. Of course they’re too sick to go to jail

Neckbrace? Wheelchair? Sugar levels? Sure, whatever it takes to make them look as weak as possible–despite the fact that they looked stronger than an ox while raising their middle fingers and daring everyone to try, just try and arrest them just the day before.

Then watch that neckbrace/wheelchair/sugar level disappear without a trace the minute the coast is clear. It’s a miracle! No, father, it’s Coat Saver! And by “coat,” we mean their as…

1. So it turns out they don’t remember a thing.

Suddenly, this brilliant mastermind person who plays 4D chess while everybody else plays jackstones can’t be assed to answer a single question with anything other than “I forgot” and “I don’t remember.” No wonder they find it easy to sleep at night–they have no memory whatsoever of the horrors they’ve inflicted upon other people!

Any other excuses you can think of?