As much as you want to avoid problematic content creators, you can’t. They’re everywhere. You could even say that the quickest way to fame is a well-timed scandal. To be fair, many of them have apologized for whatever wrongs they have done. But do they mean it? That’s where this article comes in. Let’s dissect the anatomy of every problematic influencer’s insincere apology.

1. Go for an all-natural look

I know the urge to call for a grand press conference to clear things up sounds very tempting, but hear me out, okay? How about an apology video with just you, bare walls, and your camera? It’s easy to set up, and you don’t need to be all glammed up to look the part. Actually, the simpler, the better.

Wear your coziest PJs, leave your hair untouched (or do a low-effort ponytail), and don’t put on any makeup. And if you feel like shedding a tear or two for dramatic effect, why not? We’re talking about millions worth of ad revenue and sponsorships here, darling! Know your priorities.

2. Use the “I’m sorry if you were offended” card

Taking accountability? Pfft! How old-school. For a compelling apology, you need to win your audience back by subtly blaming them for misinterpreting your actions. Start with the classic “I’m sorry if you were offended,” followed by a messy explanation of what happened. You get extra points if you make it sound like your fans should’ve known better.

3. Blame it on the “hackers”

It doesn’t matter if you must orchestrate your own ‘I was hacked’ drama or pin it on troll farms. As long as you can sell it well, you’re golden. In no time, your scandals will be nothing more than unfounded rumors.

4. Write your “apology” on the Notes app

A Notes app apology is a tried-and-tested formula that has salvaged the careers of numerous problematic content creators. Length is your friend here, so write a mumbo-jumbo essay sprinkled with superfluous words to make it seem genuine and thoughtful. Pro tip: Wrap it up with a made-up childhood sob story for that wow factor.

5. Be low-key active online while reflecting

As a toxic influencer, you can’t afford to be away from the limelight for too long, or more responsible content creators will snag your spot. A year-long social media detox sounds reasonable, but who are we kidding? Drop some candid selfies or pseudo-inspirational quotes to show everyone how seriously you’re taking this whole ‘self-reflection’ act.

6. Use charity work as a distraction

Who doesn’t love a story about helping the underprivileged? A quick Google search would give you a long list of all the NGOs you can exploit for a massive PR boost. Make sure it’s extravagant and shown across all your social media platforms. Let the world know how good of a person you are.

7. Engage with supportive comments only

Even if you’re clearly in the wrong, there’s a 99.99% chance you’ve got die-hard fans willing to defend you with their lives and keyboards. Collect all the supportive comments you see and thank them publicly. You’re able to twist the narrative and look like the victim. Sounds like a win-win!

8. Promise to “learn and grow”

To end your apology with flying colors, say these magic words: “I promise to learn and grow from this experience,” or something close to that. Feel free to tweak it. The goal is to make your followers believe you’re on the path to self-improvement – even if you’re likely to create another fiasco because of your god complex.