4. Why boxing trunks are an abomination.

Have you seen those trunks?!?

It’s a fashion abomination!

But yes, while it might be terribly tacky and not the height of fashion, surely, there’s nothing wrong with it as far as the Bible is concerned, right?

The Passage: Keep my decrees. Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material. (Leviticus 19:19)

I really should stop asking that question. Apparently, the fact that multiple different kinds of material were used to make Manny’s satin trunks with cotton logos (among other materials), he’s clearly violating the very Bible he insists we should follow. Are we supposed to have exceptions or something? He never said! All Manny said was “it’s in the Bible,” and that’s all he clearly cared about. So we feel it is our duty to assume that Manny simply missed these passages, because it would be pretty shameful if he only picks and chooses what passages to subscribe to and which ones to ignore, right?

3. The reward for people who keep trumpeting their good deeds.

I don’t think my hero worship can take yet another beating.

Neither can Manny.

Well, we all know that Manny is a generous soul, right? After all, didn’t he tell everyone about the 150 homes he gave to the homeless in Sarangani? Certainly, good deeds like those make up for whatever perceived faults he has, even if giving houses has nothing to do with being a lawmaker, which is what he ran for. Still, you might even argue that Manny was just imitating God, to an extent.

“Eh. Let’s stop at ten, and then just give the Israelites the Promised Land.”

The Passage: So when you give to the needy, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be praised by men. Truly I tell you, they already have their reward. (Matthew 6:3)

He was already rewarded?! Oh, right. He got elected Senator. Carry on, then.

2. The penalty for adultery.

Manny may have cheated on his wife a bunch of times, but it’s all good! He’s repented, and he’s totally a changed man now. Besides, hasn’t he suffered enough for his past sins?

He forgives all.

The Passage: If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death. (Leviticus 20:10)

Apparently, the Bible doesn’t think so, and it comes from the same book Manny likes to cite whenever he wants to remind gay people how horrible they are, and when he wants to point out that the Bible endorses the death penalty.

1. What Jesus thinks of those who quote scripture to push their own agenda.

Ultimately, Manny Pacquiao is a great man who believes in the Bible, and won’t let silly things like Church and State separation or facts get in the way of whatever passage he wants to thump, so long as he manages to do what he wants to do. That’s perfectly fine, right?

Asking obvious questions in a list like this should really lead to obvious answers by now.

The Passage:

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:
“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”
Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” (Matthew 4:5-7)

So wait. If I’m getting this right, even the devil himself can quote any old passage from scripture and try to suit his own agenda? I guess that explains why someone who insists “every life is sacred” when fighting against contraceptives thinks that “God is for the death penalty” after these kids are born and fall short of perfection.

But hey, it’s all good. All Manny has to do is win his next fight, and all will be forgiven again! The boxing ring, after all, is Manny’s confessional, even if he stopped being a Catholic a long time ago.

Got any more things that Senator Pacquiao can do while quoting the Good Book? Please let us know below!

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