If you spend a good time scrolling on Tiktok, you must have caught the growing chatter about the matcha-drinking, Clairo-listening, and reading-in-public men in ‘soft boy’ Pinterest outfits. The online public has dubbed this archetype the “performative males”.

These guys are being called out not just for their mundane style, but for their vapid and pretentiously feminist displays. These seemingly innocent acts are said to come with an ulterior motive to gain attention from women. Think of the performative male as the opportunistic and manipulative counterpart of the internet sub-culture term “pick-me girl”.

The issue with performative men isn’t their preferences (drinking matcha, listening to female artists). The real problem is the way they strategically use these to gain access and acceptance in female-dominated spaces. In fact, the discourse of this trend came from actual women, who experienced it firsthand and recognized the patterns of insincere behavior and manipulation.

So, how do you know if someone is being genuine or putting on a facade? Here are 8 signs you might be dealing with a performative male:

1. They’re never without a matcha drink

An affinity for matcha is one of the most standard signs of a performative man’s archetype. The green drink has become an optical contrast against their muted and pastel shirts, serving as a symbol for their curated personalities.

Why matcha? Some say the drink is an overlay for their red flags to trick the audience’s eyes into seeing green. Others say, it’s the easiest drink to make oneself appear relatable, but still a tinge esoteric.

@urban.matcha the matcha looks good tho #fyp #matcha #performative #fashion #lasvegas #cafe #ube ♬ original sound –

2. They have the constant urge to flaunt their indie pop girlie playlists

Online, there are notions that listening to Charli XCX is commonly linked to gay men or that the average Taylor Swift fan is a sheltered honor student. Stereotypes have always existed, but in the four corners of the glowing screen, they have become more clear-cut, ascribed, and branded.

Performative men will willingly take advantage of this phenomenon and use it to the best of their abilities. Armed with wired earphones, these men will make sure that everybody knows their music taste — and it can’t just be any old artist, it must be Clairo, Laufey, or Beabadoobee. Clairo’s warm mellows, Laufey’s playful scat, and Beabadoobee’s electric strums are perfect elements to complement their ostensibly soft, non-chalant, but inviting nature.

3. They use books as an accessory

Books as a social indicator? Performative men have reshaped the entire purpose of reading.

For these men, reading in public is their version of an animal mating dance, but instead of a peacock spreading its tail feathers for courtship, the boy spreads open the Sylvia Plath, Jane Austen, Lualhati Bautista, or a Fyodor Dostoevsky tome.

All this is done in hopes of being noticed and perceived as interesting. It’s one of those rare moments where you realize that the line that separates animals and mankind is thinner than what’s commonly believed.

@wolfgangrene yaps about camus (ive only read the synopsis of the stranger) oh and i shouldve used a tote bag #performative #malemanipulator #camus ♬ original sound – Brad

4. They love their Pinterest outfits

We should never shame or categorize people’s outfits, but most men who fall into the performative archetype seem to have a memo. The memo being Pinterest’s ‘aesthetic outfits for men’ page.

Some of their automated common fits include a casual pastel or patterned polo layered over a plain white tee or sometimes a small fitted t-shirt. They often pair these with baggy or wide-legged denim jeans, jorts, black loafers, and chain accessories and carabiners dangling in their belt loops. To break gender stereotypes, they also sport a shoulder bag, a tote bag, or a hand-bag.

5. They “like” things commonly attributed to women

Performative men love to hand-pick certain feminine elements to be deemed as different from the bulk of their hypermasculine peers. They carefully design this to not go overboard, enough for the public to consider them brave and stylish. They might wear handbags, show their love for Hello Kitty, buy “girly” trinkets, toys and collectibles.

@grapegobi there comes a point #hellokitty #malemanipulator #malemanipulatormusic #matcha #miffy #labubu ♬ original sound – Beter

6. They’re often found in their habitat— the Cafe

To maximize their metropolitan book-worm aesthetic, performative males must always be under the roof of a local cafe. Where else will they be seen nursing their matcha drinks for hours?

Under the cafe’s warm lights and against the aesthetic decor, a book on one hand, a matcha drink on the other, and a tote bag on one shoulder, has never looked this good on camera.

@yunissin Peak performance. #clairo #labubu #matcha #totebag #wiredearphones #coffeeshop #music #fyp #zyxbca #feminism #feminist #beabadoobeemusic ♬ Juna – Clairo

7. They are pretentiously feminist

As we go much deeper, the root of the online audience’s distaste towards performative men goes way past matcha drinks and tacky cosplays of taste and style. Their performative feminism is arguably the most ridiculous aspect.

Their version of feminism revolves around a weird fixation on women’s periods and using feminist theories to sound like a “safe guy.”

If a self-proclaimed feminist man doesn’t walk the talk, take that as one of the first signs that you’re in contact with a performative male. He could be dismissive. He could get pushy and agitated just because you didn’t reply to his message right away. He could set weird boundaries, be overly critical of your friends, and police your clothing. If you see any of these red flags, RUN. The best way to deal with this kind of dude is to simply refuse to be part of their audience.

@thesneakerlaundry We ran a Performative Male Contest in Sydney #performativemale #sydney #sneakerlaundry #matcha #aus ♬ Juna – Clairo

8. Disclaimer: Just because you like matcha, Clairo, and tote bags doesn’t automatically mean you’re a performative male

With all that being said, almost all of us are a little performative in some way, and it’s because that’s what the social hegemony dictates. Either by being active and enthusiastic during class to impress a professor, performing well in front of your boss for a promotion, or acting aloof and cool in front of your crush. But we should not harm anyone in the process—a concept which the performative men seem to be oblivious of.

What other signs do you think reveal a performative male?