The trans identity has been a hot topic in the last few years. We now see more people educating the general public about what it means to be trans and more advocates fighting for trans rights. Even so, many trans people choose to keep this part of their identity a secret for various reasons. One of these was beauty vlogger NikkieTutorials, who just revealed in a video that she is, in fact, a trans woman.

Who is NikkieTutorials?

In 2017, she was named by Forbes magazine as one of the top beauty influencers. In the same year, she won the “YouTube Guru” at the Shorty Awards and the “Choice Fashion/Beauty Web Star” at the Teen Choice Awards. She’s worked with multiple brands, and in 2019, became the Global Beauty Adviser for Marc Jacobs Beauty.

In short, she’s a big deal, mmkay?

Nikkie’s confession

“I want to start the year off with the truth,” Nikkie said in the video. “I want to start the year off by finally revealing a part of my life which has made me who I am…

“I am NikkieTutorials and I am Nikkie. I am me. We don’t need labels. If you’re going to put a label on it, yes, I am transgender. But at the end of the day, I am me.”

Nikkie’s transition

Nikkie explains in the video that when her mother was pregnant with her, she was “convinced” that she was having a girl, and was surprised when she gave birth to a baby boy. And as soon as Nikkie learned how to speak, she knew that something was off—she was a girl. She wanted to wear dresses and enjoyed playing with dolls, but was forced to keep her hair short and wear trousers and t-shirts.

“All of me was girly,” she says. “My mom knew that I either was going to be gay or it was going to be a different type of story. And I became a different type of story.”

She then explains that she started wearing girls’ clothes when she was 7 and 8. Then, she began hormone therapy at age 14 and even had to take growth suppressors to keep her from growing taller (Nikkie is 6’2″). When she was 19, she “fully transitioned”.

Nikkie was 14 years old when she uploaded her first video, so she says that she essentially transitioned on YouTube (though her viewers weren’t aware of it). At the time, she was still getting bullied at school for her identity, and YouTube became her safe place.

Forced to come out

A generally private person, Nikkie rarely discusses her personal life with the internet. But Nikkie says that she had always wanted to share this part of her identity with her followers.

However, she wanted to do it on her own terms. The main reason that Nikkie decided to come out now was because someone was blackmailing her by threatening to out her to the press. She did not say when these threats were made and who made them, but she made it clear how she felt about the situation.

“It was frightening to know that there are people out there that are so evil that they can’t respect someone’s true identity,” Nikkie says. “It is vile and it gross… they said they wanted to leak it because I’m lying or that I don’t want to tell my truth or that I’m too scared to tell people who I truly am.”

“Why me?”

It’s easy to understand why Nikkie has kept mum about her identity all these years. “I’ve always lived my youth as a girl, and the hardest part of living youth as a girl when you’re not ‘fully officially’ a girl yet is that you have to tell your people your life, who you truly are,” she says. “You feel trapped. And you’re angry because [you’re thinking,] ‘Why me? Why did I get this?'”

She explains that before transitioning, meeting new people was difficult because she felt forced to talk about a side of her life that she didn’t want to address. Nikkie did not want to be defined by that part of her identity, so after transitioning, she decided to keep it private.

Trans people aren’t out to “trick” anyone

As demonstrated by Nikkie’s blackmailer, we still have a long way to go when it comes to trans rights and acceptance. Much of society still does not view trans women as “real” women. When they don’t “pass” as women, they are ridiculed. And when trans women like Nikkie do “pass”, they are treated like liars who are out to dupe people.

Nikkie does mention that when she first started dating her now-fiance Dylan Drossaers (pictured above), he did not know about her trans identity. But they have talked about it and are processing it together. She also encourages other trans people to come out to the people they care about, saying that the sooner they talk about it, the better.

The internet reacts

Although Nikkie’s video has gotten some backlash (no surprises there), the internet has generally been supportive of her revelation.

Me watching nikkietutorials video and being so proud of her coming out as trans VS me thinking about the person who threatened to out her pic.twitter.com/nqXmwEccRV

— Megan McNally (@MeganMcNal) January 13, 2020

This goes out to everyone who’s saying “you could tell” or “I figured cause she’s tall like a guy!” or “I already knew” and other transphobic, disgusting comments about Nikkie #nikkietutorials pic.twitter.com/RV7ae8g5K1

— Kassandra (@kassandraxmua) January 13, 2020

Congrats to @NikkieTutorials for reclaiming your story. NO ONE has the right to out anybody else. Period. Coming out is a personal thing, and you do not get to decide that for someone else. I’m so sorry, Nikkie, that you went through that, but I applaud how you handled it.

— Jinkx Monsoon (@JinkxMonsoon) January 14, 2020

We still have a long way to go, but this positivity gives us hope.

What now?

Even though Nikkie wasn’t 100% ready to come out when she came out, she’s happy that she did. She says that she now feels more free and open with her followers. We’re happy for her, especially since she has such a huge following that she could influence for the better. Here’s hoping that she continues to use her platform to spread love, light, and understanding.

What are your thoughts on Nikkie’s coming out video?