4. The Nice Guy

The Nice Guy is a unicorn. They are the rare breed, rising above the thieving and shameless rat bastards that give cab drivers a bad name. They are polite, have no problem taking you to your destination and offer you your change back with no questions asked. They are also the same people you see in the news, the ones where they return valuables left behind by a passenger in their car. They help restore your faith in humanity. They are what cab drivers should be, giving you honest and decent service. You wish all cab drivers were like them but sadly, that isn’t the case.

3. The Rage-a-holic

Do not mess with this guy. This guy drives fast and reckless like no tomorrow. They will have no problem driving around the apocalyptic wasteland of Mad Max. His recklessness is complemented by his short temper. They yell and curse every chance they get. They have no problem picking and/or getting into a fight with other motorists. Confucius’ saying “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop” did not rub off on these guys. While we think we are just mere mortal drivers in the road of life, these guys are king, entitled to rule the road however they feel like.

2. The Opportunist

The Opportunist knows when to strike, and that’s whenever you need them the most. They lurk whenever it’s rush hour, raining, payday Fridays, or if it’s just really traffic. You know the type. You hail them and they roll their windows down. Tell them your destination and you get any of these responses: “dagdagan niyo na lang ng [insert unjustifiable amount here] kasi trapik e”, gagarahe nako e”, and “HINDE, HINDE, HINDE, AYOKO, HINDE!” Oh it’s traffic? Cry me a river. Traffic? What part of Manila isn’t traffic? NEWSFLASH: the earth is round and the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Some of them even have the gall to use a faulty meter: the ones where the fare goes at a higher rate than normal. But it’s fine because “they’re just trying to make a living.” K then.

1. The Pathetic Excuse for a Human Being

The pathetic excuse for a human being is a combination of the rage-a-holic and the swindler and their asshole-y performance is possibly enhanced by shabu. They have no problems asking for an exorbitant amount for your destination and are entitled to curse at you and physically hurt and intimidate you. They feel like they are the most gifted creatures on earth, hence, it’s up to them whether they’ll ferry you or not and how much they’ll charge you. Once caught, they’ll deny the charges, refuse a drug test, deliver a poor excuse for an apology (“tao lang, nagkakamali”) and appeal to pity by saying how many children they have to feed. You know what’s sad? To quote Daily Show host Trevor Noah, the fact that we have to be called human beings alongside these people.

How about you? What are your experiences with cab drivers in Manila? Dagdagan niyo na lang yung metro and let us know in the comments!

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