The Submission Hold

A submission hold hashtag is exactly what it sounds like – a painful stretch. A last-minute attempt by the organizer to come up with something catchy or witty that doesn’t quite hit the mark.

Defining Quality: The hashtag doesn’t make sense, and seems to only be an excuse to sneak in the couple’s first names/family names in ALL CAPS, even if, again, it makes no sense.

Example:  If a DESSA and a MANNY CHANG were to hypothetically marry, you end up with #DESSAalltheMANNYCHANGesinourlives – which conspicuously leaves out DESSA’S family name. Yikes. And yes, because this hashtag is decidedly bad, we made sure it’s a fictional hashtag nobody has ever used before. We think.

Advantage: You can be sure your wedding will be the only reason the hashtag will ever be used. We hope. I mean, that’s really the best excuse for having a cringe-y hashtag in the first place.

Disadvantage: Your hashtag ends up being used as an example for listicles like this.

The NSFW

A hashtag that you might consider if your names just can’t help but lead to shenanigans. We can classify these hashtags under “good,” because everyone loves a good double entendre, even if it’s done on one of the most special days of your life.

Defining Quality: It’s often witty, bordering on distasteful. Just the right amount of salaciousness makes for a memorable wedding hashtag.

Example: When Gino Quillamor, formerly of The Morning Rush, now of Magic 89.9 fame got married to Colleen Mijares nearly two years ago, their inevitable hashtag was #GinoCols2017.

Advantage: You inevitably keep the reception light and humorous every single time you mention the hashtag.

Disadvantage: It’s not really easy to explain the hashtag to your kids, if you eventually have any.

The Last Resort

A hashtag you come up with because one or both of the couple’s names are just so unpunnable, this is really the most you can come up with, often not for lack of trying.

Defining Quality: Unlike #8, you probably won’t be able to come up with a good hashtag in place of what the couple runs with, either. It’s just that impossible.

Example: Steven Kleinschmidt went viral when he apologized in advance to his future and still non-existent wife for his unpunnable last name. Or so he thought. Twitter users obliged him, but the best and most acceptable of the lot can only be #SheDidntDeKleinschmidt.

The Reference Too Many People Get

Probably the only hashtag that has nothing to do with the names of the couple, this often uses a pop culture reference that the couple both relate to a lot, especially in terms of fandom.

Defining Quality: It’s a reference everyone gets, and could easily be mistaken for a non-wedding hashtag if only the actual word “wedding” weren’t in the hashtag somewhere.

Example: Look at Twitter and see how many Whovians went with #TimeyWimeyWedding. How about Game of Thrones Fans who called their special day #TheRedWedding? Yep. The worst of the lot is often the #HappilyEver(LastName) hashtag, though, because everyone gets the hashtag’s reference, and your name is still associated with the very bland hashtag. But hey, if that’s how you wanna roll, who are we to tell you off, right?

Advantage: You go under the radar and it’s hard for anyone to find fault with your hip-sounding wedding hashtag.

Disadvantage: You probably share that wedding hashtag with a bunch of other couples.

The Portmanteau

Some couples just have a portmanteau, that is, a combination of their names that just works so well, it lends to a near-perfect wedding hashtag, whether or not it’s cringe-inducing. For instance, BranGelina is a portmanteau for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, while JaDine is a portmanteau for James Reid and Nadine Lustre, but you already knew that.

Defining Quality: The portmanteau has to have been used to refer to the couple even before they got married, or, at least makes sense to use for the couple.

Example: Carlo and Maiki made for a perfect hashtag as is – MaiLo. So the minute the two got married, the hashtag was academic: #MaiLoEveryday.

Advantage: How many couples will have the same Portmanteau as you? It can be good, it can be cheesy, but the couple’s combined name leaves a memorable impact, either way.

Disadvantage: The success of the hashtag depends entirely on how good your couple name is, which leaves Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen out. Ooohhh. That portmanteau. It really sticks out.

The Actually Good Pun

Every now and then, a wedding simply has a pun that’s actually good and actually works, and plays with the couple’s names.

Defining Quality: It has to involve the couple’s names somehow, because any other wedding pun that’s just a wedding pun often falls into the “Reference Too Many People Get” category, such as, say, #HeLikedItSoHePutARingOnIt.

Example: When two people who both had “Wong” as a family name got married, they came up with #TwoWongsMakeARight, and they couldn’t have nailed the hashtag any better if they tried.

Advantage: These are probably the best hashtags that get shared all over the internet.

Disadvantage: Random people you don’t know stepping into your hashtag just to tell you how good it is. Not always a welcome thing, even if the hashtag itself is public.

The Marked Territory

Some hashtags just come off as hella possessive.

Defining Quality: Most of these hashtags play with the idea of getting the man or the woman, winning the jackpot, or tying somebody up, making one or both of the couple come across as a thing to be owned instead of someone’s beloved partner for life.

Example: Imagine a girl named Natalie with anyone. Now imagine the hashtag playing with the fact that Natalie sounds like “natali,” and realize how sad it sounds that getting hitched is, even before the honeymoon, already being compared to prison with #NatalieNaRinSiJomar or something.

Advantage: Hard to think of any, sorry.

Disadvantage: Comparing marriage to prison is supposed to be an old couple’s game, and isn’t meant for the about-to-be-married kind.

The Businessman

No frills, no fuss. All business. This wedding probably even came with a prenup, because of course it would.

Defining Quality: You probably know by now the most overused generic wedding hashtags, but this couple still deliberately decided to go with that.

Example: No real-life examples here, but #LastNameNuptialsYearHere and #MrAndMrsLastName are as trite as can be, but some people just can’t be bothered to think of anything else.

Advantage: Well, nobody can accuse you of being too cheesy.

Disadvantage: The day you get married is the one day you’re allowed to be hella cheesy even in front of all the bitter single people in the world. You really shouldn’t let it slip you by.

Ultimately, no matter how much we may poke fun at wedding hashtags, it’s still the business of the couples getting married, and not ours. And if they want to be super cheesy or super pilit or super businesslike about it, at least, they’re getting married, unlike us Forever Alone plebes.

All the cynicism in the world can’t overcome a great marriage, no matter what we think about their wedding hashtag. And thank heavens for that.

What are your favorites? Tell us below!