When was the last time you had a conversation with your kids about matters of the heart? If ever you had one, was it decent? Awkward? Weird?

Don’t worry. Kids nowadays are pretty much tough nuts to crack. What more the things that goes inside their heads when it comes to the thorny subject of love?

Have no fear, here at 8list, we interviewed several anonymous Millennial correspondents so we could get inside the secret dating lives of these kids! Read on and be aghast…

8. Relax, the Ninja Party is an urban legend.

Before you give disapproving looks and question every parenting decision you ever made, take a deep breath and sip that chamomile tea.

Come on, every generation has their own version of the Caligula-inspired party, right? ‘Fess up: Wasn’t wife-swapping parties the in thing during the Macapagal Era?

But yeah, before you burst a vein, know that Ninja Parties—orgies where kids wear ninja masks so they could enjoy alcohol-fuelled sex in anonymity—is at best, a tall story, perfect for water cooler conversations.

Or is it?

7. Everyone is a stalker.

Do you see your kids hunched over their phones every waking moment, typing and scrolling their precious lives away—even while on the dinner table? Chances are they’re online dating, or to be more precise, stalking their crush. Yeah, that’s how cyborg-people feel the waters.

“Hey, miss, may I get your number?” is an expression that might as well have been used by a Taong Tabon. Nowadays, all you need is a name and a Google search bar.

But credit should be given to them for being smart when it comes to sorting the wheat from the chaff. It’s surveillance! It’s savvy HR skills! It’s product testing!

Get this: Social media accounts are like a series of resumés that goes under intense scrutiny. They could lose interest in someone when they find out his grammar is horrible or if she kind of looks like a man from a certain angle.

So, yes, before boy meets girl as meat-and-bone entities, chances are they already know each other’s favorite Marvel movies and worst childhood traumas.

Let’s call it “love before first sight”.

6. The condo is the new dating place.

Gone are the days where suitors will line up in the sala sipping Zest-O tetrapaks while you help your virginal daughter do her make-up. Also, to them, clandestine meet-ups in bowling lanes and movie theaters are old-people activities.

Nowadays, it’s all about the Netflix-and-chill at the condo—where they’re away from the prying eyes of Tito and Tita and where there’s a sofa where they can…ahem…sit down and enjoy some popcorn.

In fact, a sign of a true friend is when she’ll rent out an extra room in her place to kabarkadas who knocked back one too many bubblies and are credit card-less to book a motel.

Provided, of course, they bring the pillowcases to the Laundromat the next day. Yeesh!

5. Motels = freedom!

Speaking of motels, they’re no longer the dark and smoky rooms that we’d picture in our heads, where seven kinds of AIDS thrive in the bed sheets. For kids living in Roman Catholic households, they’re the last pockets of freedom that can be had for as low as 300 friggin’ pesos!

From Eurotel to Victoria Court to Sogo, their choices are aplenty. With Uber services, keeping things secret is now easier because the driver will drop the kids off inside the closed garage. And yeah, the rooms are clean and some even have the kitschiest of themes. (Cirque du soleil, anyone?)

Hey, but what if they don’t have 300 pesos to spare? Well, the good ol’ classic still works for them—the parked car by the bushes.

4. They don’t like labels.

Unlike us old folk, Millennials hate labeling things. To them, at least, putting a name to things, people, and events suck the joy out of life.

Labels mean commitment. And commitments are stressful.

So yeah, the next time you bump into your niece in the mall and she has a guy carrying her shopping bags, chances are he’s not her boyfriend—just her friend. And get this: They could be hanging out for 24 months already, and he could’ve already dropped by for Christmas dinner, and still that doesn’t chalk up for anything.

Confused? Don’t be. It’s just that kids don’t like labels. Take things as they are.

3. Women are more sexually forward now.

This is what you Titas have been fighting for since the Fifties and now you got it.

Nowadays, it’s more accepted (and better even) if it’s the girl who does the inviting. It figures, rather than being polite and wasting their time putting on a nice smile to suitors who they’re not remotely interested in, girls do the asking out now.

What if they don’t like a commitment and just want to scratch an itch? Girls asking out boys for sex is no longer frowned upon—in fact, it’s smiled upon!

2. The Facebook status seals the deal.

So how do we know they’re serious? Good question, Tita.

As more and more of them are getting into casual sex, common law condo-living, and (ulp!) forgoing marriage and having kids, it really is hard to set things in stone. Are they or aren’t they?

Look no further than their own relationship status on Facebook. If Meet The Parents Day was the milestone event for us white-haired wrinkly people, then for the kids, it’s that heart-stopping, high-octane moment of switching their status from Single to In A Relationship With.

Facebook is like a great big Roman public square, where the worlds of family, friends, acquaintances, potential employers, and annoying web marketers all converge in one awkward crossover to witness a confession of true love.

Yep, that’s about as legit as it gets.

1. Yeah, you’ll be the last to know.

Much as we like to dye our hair black and eat more Omega-3-rich foods, we all know our steads will soon be replaced by these kids, by these future-people.

And sadly, thanks to technology and the new lifestyles it has spawned, we are no longer privy to their secret worlds.

Millennials are highly secretive when it comes to their dating lives. And to most of them, asking love advice from old farts like us is, at best, a joke. Our wisdom no longer applies.

The object of their affection will go the rounds of their friends first, then after a long while (like 7 dates), they’ll bring him home to dinner. If you show too much excitement or throw disapproving glances, watch out—they’ll keep their distance from you.

The best you can do, whether you like or hate the boyfriend / girlfriend, is keep quiet, trust your kid’s own instincts and give the thumbs up sign, just like all cool parents should.

Would you like to share some tips? Tell us more below!