This Week in Weird News: Christmas with Hipsters Edition

By Kevin Christian L. Santos

Ahoy, weird team! The holiday season is officially in full swing, what with the ungodly traffic and Christmas lights adorning the grimy streets of Manila. It’s the season where cabs turn into hustlers (“Boss, plus 50 ha. Traffic e.” E putangina mo pala kelan ba hindi naging traffic sa Pilipinas? But that’s for another list), fortune tellers (“ayoko dun, traffic”), to Nazis (“AYOKO” then slams the door). It’s as if these guys never take a break from choosing passengers, especially during the holiday season.

Speaking of not taking a break, the wide world of weirdness doesn’t understand the concept of it. Lots of stuff happened this week, from things that will make you scratch your head, to wondering why aliens won’t visit us.

Now hop in and take a look at the bat-shit world of weirdness we live in.

1. KFC makes limited edition fried chicken-scented candle because reasons.

A photo posted by KFCNZ (@kfcnz) on Dec 1, 2016 at 6:32pm PST

There’s no question that fried chicken is proof that something good and pure can still exist in our bleak world. If you don’t like fried chicken, you must be a Nazi sympathizer. If you do want to take your love for the fried creation of goodness a bit further, KFC just made a fried chicken-scented candle because why the hell not? If there’s one thing your house is missing, it’s to smell like a fresh batch of Colonel Sanders’ invention.

The company is giving away the candle as part of their Christmas promotion. All you have to do is comment on the photo with a suggestion of what KFC-related product you’d want to see next.

This isn’t the first time the chicken giant gave the middle finger to what a fast food brand should and shouldn’t do. They made edible nail polish in the past and a suntan lotion that smells like chicken. Fry yourself under the sun!

2. Someone actually made a superhero gangbang mural in a hospital.

Over in France, a hospital is in hot water for having a mural of a gangbang on one of its walls. It’s not just any ordinary gangbang, mind you. It’s a superhero gangbang, where The Flash, Batman, Superman and Supergirl are having their way with Wonder Woman.

Facebook page Les médecins ne sont pas des pigeons (“Doctors aren’t dupes”) shared the mural and outrage picked up immediately, because of course. One commenter said that the mural has been there for 14 years. How no one has reacted to a sexually explicit mural on a hospital for more than a decade, we’ll never know.

The mural has since been painted over, with hospital staff promising disciplinary and judicial action on the sexually perverse comic book geek perpetrators.

3. Builder gets impaled by lightning rod, miraculously survives.

In China, a builder miraculously survived after being impaled by a 6″ by 6″ lightning rod through his torso. The rod fell from the seventh floor of a construction site and pierced the man.

Doctors were able to remove the rod after a two-hour operation. The medical team say that the rod pierced through the man’s abdomen, kidney, lung and liver. Doctors note however that the man was lucky that the rod didn’t pierce through any major blood vessels.

Talk about a shocking experience.

4. A fart once killed 10,000 people.

There are two types of people in this world: people who think farts are funny and people who are dead inside. It’s perfectly understandable when someone gets offended whenever you cut the cheese. The solution is you fight back with whatever you had for lunch and/or dinner. However, someone took things a bit too far and caused thousands of deaths with their gas.

Greek historian Herodotus said that a fart lead to King Apries of Egypt to be overthrown (said fart also led to ambassadors getting their noses and ears cut off). Roman historian Josephus said that a Roman soldier pulled his pants down and let out a fart while Jews nearby were celebrating Passover. The Jews were so enraged that they caused a stampede that caused the deaths of 10,000 people.

Who knew a fart can actually be so deadly?

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