Happy New Year, weird team! We’re only less than a week into 2017 and you must’ve probably heard a lot of “last year pa ako nag-shower” jokes. That’s right, we’re not even a full month into 2017 without Tito Sotto saying something so mind-numbingly stupid. Because if you want to watch something of “quality” look no further than the Enteng series.

Speaking of mind-numbing a whole slew of weirdness ushered in the Year of the Rooster. Weird stuff like:

1. Man has scissors pulled from stomach, 18 years after surgery.

54-year old Ma Van Nhat from Vietnam had scissors removed from his stomach after complaining of stomach-aches for almost 20 years. Turns out the scissors was left by a doctor after Nhat got surgery from a car accident. Worst doctor ever.

2. Toy horse has detailed penis, freaks out the internet.

Not sure why this toy needs this level of detail pic.twitter.com/WB7WKJQKcI

— Bob Velcoro (@atbobb) January 5, 2017

A lot of people complain about some toys not being detailed or realistic enough. Well, Canadian toy company Battat is having none of that shit and will give you eye-popping detail. Which is why they decided to give a toy horse a penis, because reasons.

The schlong discovery was first tweeted by @atbobb. He further adds that the other toys in the assortment don’t have any genitalia.

The gorilla, lion, zebra, giraffe, pig, and sheep do not have dicks. Only the horse.

— Bob Velcoro (@atbobb) January 5, 2017

Look at the cold expression on that horse’s face. It doesn’t know what’s going on. Well, at least that answers what your enemies are getting for next Christmas.

Speaking of toys…

3. Great grandmother has been praying to Saint Anthony figurine, turns out to be Elrond from Lord of the Rings.

THIS is the actual Saint Anthony, without any pointy ears or Elven clothing:

Speaking to Buzzfeed, Brandão tried to explain it to her relative. “We tried to explain right away but she didn’t understand at first,” Brandão said. “The next day we explained again and she understood and we got her a new figure of Saint Anthony.” Her post has since gone viral, getting over 3,000 shares with people tagging their LOTR fan-friends.

We could all use an Elrond figurine to pray too just so pesky Sauron can get the hell away from our heads.

4. Christian ministry proclaims Thom Yorke as the antichrist.

8 things that satan uses to enslave you and destroy you: pic.twitter.com/qZGIXVYlLe

— Generation for God (@GenerationFGod) July 24, 2016

Christian ministry Generation of God tweeted that Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke is the antichrist. They even tweeted a photo of Yorke to showcase “8 things that Satan uses to enslave you and destroy you,” such as witchcraft, drugs, and pornography. Can’t Thom catch a break? The mother of his child just lost her battle to cancer. This ministry is probably just upset and didn’t like the new Radiohead album.

5. “Detox” beer with head-scratching alcohol content won’t give you a hangover.

Innis & Gunn, a craft beer brewery from Scotland, has claimed that they made the first beer that won’t give you a hangover.

What’s so special about it? The beer has vitamin C and ginseng, which have claims of boosting the immune system. Also, the beer has 0.0 alcohol. ZERO.

Speaking to The Sun, brewery founder Dougal Gunn Sharp says “great beer does not necessarily have to contain alcohol”. He adds, “We approached brewing Innis & None, as we do with any of our beers, using quality ingredients to produce a bold flavorsome taste. Taking the alcohol content down to zero is part of our belief that beer is for everyone, even those who don’t or can’t consume alcohol. I believe this pale ale stands up to the best of them. With the added Vitamin C and ginseng, you’re now also getting a boost to the immune system for the New Year.”

It’s like watching porn without jacking off!

6. Woman tries to take selfie with uncooperative crocodile, inevitable happens.

It’s amazing how stupid some people can be. Think about it. There are tons of obvious reasons; just look at the comments section of any news article. Well a 41-year-old French tourist took it a bit too far when she tried to pose next to a crocodile in the Khao Yai National Park in Thailand.

The crocodile wouldn’t have any of this, and bit the woman in the thigh while said picture was being taken. The woman had to be rescued and rushed to a nearby hospital. Her current condition is not yet known. Apparently, the park also has many warning signs encouraging visitors not to go on detours.

The future of the human race is looking bright.

7. Stubborn man refused to speak to wife for 20 years, reveals reason why.

If you thought you were petty, think again. For 20 years, Otou Kayama from Japan refused to talk to his wife, while still living in the same house with their children.

Through the years, his wife Katayama Yumi would try to talk to him but would only get nods and grunts in return. Tired of their petty feud, their 18-year old son Yoshiki wrote a show and asked for an intervention to get the two to talk again. He also said he has never heard his parents speak to each other.

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While on the show, Otou explained the reason for the two-decade old cold shoulder: “When the kids were born my wife was very involved and busy in raising the kids. I was kind of…jealous. I was sulking about it. There’s no going back now I guess.”

The show tried to get the two talking to each other by arranging them to meet at a bench where the two had their first date. Though it took a while, Otou managed to start a conversation with his wife. He says, “Somehow it’s been a while since we talked. You were so concerned about the kids. Yumi up until now, you have endured a lot of hardship. I want you to know I’m grateful for everything.” The children look on in the background, crying.

The conversation ended with the couple promising to work together in the future. Don’t you love happy endings?

8. Someone changed the “Hollywood” sign to “Hollyweed”

What the fuck. #hollyweed pic.twitter.com/KzNYeEib3A

— Adam Singer (@singy) January 1, 2017

The Hollywood sign right now pic.twitter.com/wHNRir6KHL

— Vsauce (@tweetsauce) January 1, 2017

Los Angeles’ iconic “Hollywood” sign was vandalized as the world welcomed in the New Year, changing it to “Hollyweed.” Officials spoke to Buzzfeed news about the prank, calling it “ambitious.”

However, Betsy Isroelit, spokeswoman for the Hollywood Sign Trust, says this isn’t the first time someone changed it to “Hollyweed.” It was earlier changed in 1976.

Suspects haven’t been caught yet but they’re most likely damn stoners. But, it’s amazing that stoners actually got together and accomplished something epic.

What weird things have you seen on the internet so far this year? Share them with us below!