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This Week in Weird News: Pizza is Being Dipped in Milk Because People Are Terrible

This Week in Weird News: Pizza is Being Dipped in Milk Because People Are Terrible

Mar 10, 2017   •   Kevin Christian L. Santos

Hey weird team! February’s cold spell went by super-fast and the summer heat is now encroaching. We were just proudly wearing our jackets and sweaters out during the day a few weeks ago, and now we have to deal with the threat of our singits getting sweaty and swampy. Such is life.

As the weather heats up, the weirdness starts rolling in. The weather might have something to do with triggering batshit-insanity in the world, with stuff like:

 

1. Woman wants surgery because her vagina looks like a “Big Mac”

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A woman subjected to constant bullying by men has undergone surgery. Why? Because as she describes it, she has a vagina that looks like a “Big Mac with the filling hanging out.”

Appearing on the BBC documentary “My Unusual Vagina” (yes, that show exists), Antonia explains she has fear of having sex because her vagina does not look appealing enough and that her enlarged labia has caused her discomfort.

Antonia has to deal with such comments like “I can’t wait to sleep with someone with a normal vagina” and “you’ve got a pair of balls.” Big talk, considering nutsacks aren’t exactly the most breath-taking thing to look at. The barrage of insults women have to go through is uncanny.

Meanwhile, we’re going to have a salad for the rest of our lives.

 

2. Jesus is on Tinder, and he’s your dating savior

Via Huffington Post/Tinder

Jesus is back and he’s here to save you from your dating woes. He has risen…in Tinder of all places. His profile pic even shows him turning water into wine.

Jesus is also pretty smooth in the DMs:

The Huffington Post recently published a short interview they had with Tinder Jesus and it’s worth checking out. He says he loves everybody and doesn’t have a particular type. However, he said the best date he had was with a woman who was hurling puns at him in character.

Swipe right if you need Jesus in you.

 

3. Steve from “Blues Clues” made a song for kids about pooping

Via Tumblr: bluescluesgifs

Ever wondered what happened to Steve from “Blue’s Clues?” The internet can be a cruel place and it was widely speculated that he died of a drug overdose. Well, he’s very much alive, and even goes by the Twitter handle @SteveBurnsAlive. So what happened?

Steve’s reasons for departure was that he was getting older, and to pursue a music career. In fact, he just released his new kids album “Foreverywhere”.  One of the songs on the album is titled “OK Toilet Bowl” and it’s about…pooping in the toilet.

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In the song, Steve drops knowledge bombs such as “did you know that your poop is mostly made out of water, and so are you!” Did you also know that eating beets can turn your poop red? Steve also sings about how he’s proud of the poop he’s made, and he even has time to include a poo haiku in the song.

Thanks for giving us the courage to poo, Steve. We missed you.

 

4. Doctors say taking marijuana up your butt instead of smoking it is better because science

Via Giphy

In “Y tho” news, doctors are saying that taking weed up your ass is much more effective than smoking it.

Speaking to the National Post, medical director of the Center for Integrative Medicine at George Washington University in Washington, D.C. Mikhail Kogan says it’s difficult to absorb marijuana through the lungs. Gastric acids also interfere with it, so eating magic brownies isn’t also the most effective way. He says taking it through your rectum absorbs more marijuana compared to other methods. He further adds, “We have so many other products now, so many modes of delivery that smoking in my opinion is very archaic and has very little clinical applicability.”

Rectal cannabis suppositories haven’t been very popular, because OBVIOUSLY. Still, that didn’t stop Rod Stewart from taking cocaine up his ass, because he didn’t want to damage his nasal passages. OBVIOUSLY. And yes, THAT Rod Stewart.

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5. Woman gets seated next to creepy doll during flight, livetweets whole thing

An annoying, inconsiderate passenger can ruin your flight. They can be total douchepickles by being rude to the flight attendants. They like to recline their seats all the way to your knee because they’re more special than you. Maybe they haven’t heard of the great invention known as the “deodorant.” Still, that’s nothing compared to what Sara Nović had to go through.

Mashable reports that Nović had the displeasure of sitting next to a man’s creepy doll during her flight. Yes, said creepy doll had her own seat and ticket.

Sara had a layover and at least she wouldn’t be anywhere near the porcelain harbinger of the apocalypse, right? WRONG.

Well, at least the doll has a name.

Also, airline workers were also obviously creeped out:

Well, silver linings:

LOL just kidding:

Well, things could be worse. At least the doll’s name wasn’t Anabelle.

 

6. Rabbit hole leads to mystery cave where visitors practice black magic

In England, someone took the metaphor “down the rabbit hole” too seriously and made an underground cave underneath a rabbit hole in a farmer’s field.

Local legend says that the cave was used by the Knights Templar as early as the 17th century. However, the BBC reports that Historic England says that the underground cave was only built in 18th or 19th century, hundreds of years after the Knights Templar was dissolved. Further reports state that the caves are being used for “black magic rituals” by modern day visitors because THAT IS SO MUCH BETTER.

Via BBC

That being said, this looks like a good place to cry.

 

7. One of the world’s rarest animals captured on film for the first time

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Scientists just announced that the beaked whale, one of the world’s rarest whales, has been filmed in the wild for the very first time.

The footage actually took place in 2013, but was only released recently along with a journal on PeerJ that detailed the analysis of the elusive creature.

Beaked whales can grow to 17 feet. In 2014, scientists at the Scripps Institute of Oceanography report that a beaked whale dove more than 9,000 feet below the ocean’s surface, and that they can spend hours underwater on a single breath.

Since being identified in 2013, beaked whale carcasses have been washing up on the shores of beaches in the North Atlantic and South Pacific. Though decaying, they were a huge of source of information for scientists studying the species. Noise and water pollution can knock them off their equilibrium. Just last month, the carcass of a beaked whale washed up on a beach in Norway with 30 plastic bags clogging its stomach, because humans are assholes.

It’s already 2017 and we’re still discovering stuff. The truth is out there, and there’s still plenty to be discovered.

 

8. People are dipping pizza in milk because they’re the spawn of Lucifer

First, there was the debate on pineapples on pizza. Then, someone decided that we shouldn’t have nice things by creating a pea and mayonnaise pizza. Now, someone decided to commit a crime against humanity, good taste, and pizza by dipping said pizza in milk.

Needless to say, people were #SHOOKt

The disrespect on pizza is strong. What has this heavenly creation ever done to the one who made this ghastly abomination? After we’re done throwing up, we’re gonna fight you.

 

What has been the weirdest for you this week? Share them with us below!

 


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Having a love for fart jokes and offensive humor, KC Santos isn't as mature an individual as he thought. He works as 8List.ph's social media manager while juggling migraines and occasional bouts of weeping. His passions include skateboarding, music, dinosaurs and scratching his nether regions.

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