4. Woman who had sex with children’s playground dinosaur has been identified

Proving once again that there’s nothing sacred in the world anymore, police have identified a female suspect who “had sex with a children’s playground statue” in Exmouth, UK.

Images have surfaced of a woman naked from the waist down mounting a playground’s baby Tyrannosaurus Rex statue, who is also incidentally placed in a fake egg. The model is part of the playground’s “Exmouth Dino Trail.”

Exmouth Police sergeant Richard Stonecliffe said, “we are still continuing our investigations and we have now identified the woman in the photographs who we will be speaking to.”

No dinosaur deserves to be treated that way, much less a damn BABY T-Rex.

3. School district shuts down after creepy clown attack, hunt for clowns now on

The US has been experiencing an epidemic of creepy clown sightings of late. Whereas these clowns were seen in the woods and trying to lure children with them before, it has gotten so bad that there have been instances of clowns chasing kids with swords.  A school district was even forced to shut down in Ohio after a woman was attacked by a clown on her front porch. The clown also allegedly threatened students at the schools. The clown said, “I should just kill you now” and “students and teachers (will) wish they were never born at the junior and senior high school today.”

There’s been reports of people hunting clowns. Actual clowns who make a living of being one feel persecuted over the hysteria and have called for an end for the clown attacks.

Let’s just hope that the clown epidemic does not reach the Philippines. We have enough clowns here already, and they all work in the government.

2. Woman has 6-inch hairball removed from stomach, and that’s enough internet for today

If you’re eating, we’re so sorry.

Buzzfeed reports that a woman who was suffering from Rapunzel syndrome had a 6 inch by 4 inch hairball removed from her stomach. Rapunzel syndrome is when a hairball develops into the stomach along with a “tail” that stretches to one’s intestine. It’s associated with trichotillomania, a condition where one compulsively pulls their hair out and in certain cases, eats it.

The BMJ Case Reports journal states that the 38-year old woman has vomited everything she ate and has lost 15 pounds in eight months over the whole ordeal. After the hairball was extracted, she was released after six days and was given psychological therapy.

And we’re not even done yet.

1. Blind woman unknowingly lived with son’s skeleton for 20 years

In Brooklyn, a fully dressed skeleton was found in a blind hoarder’s house. The clincher? The skeleton is the hoarder’s son.

The hoarder in question was legally blind Rita Wolfensohn. She suffered a fall and has since been staying in a hospital. When her sister popped by her home to fetch a few things, she made the grisly discovery.

She saw the skeleton on the debris-laden second floor of Wolfensohn’s home, clothed with jeans, socks, and a shirt. Authorities are saying that Wolfensohn might not have even been aware of the skeleton. The home was so bad and in complete disrepair. The room where the skeleton was found was full of garbage and cobwebs. Sources even said the room smelled like “rotting food.”

Upon questioning, Wolfensohn said that she thought her son had moved out of her house. The New York Post reports that Wolfensohn had two sons, Michael and Louis. Court documents Michael died in 2003 at the age of 38. Relatives said they have not seen Louis in 20 years. He would have been 49. Authorities believe that the skeleton is Louis and died of natural causes.

Well, now that is enough internet for today.

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