This Week in Weird News:
Pokémon Go Edition

By Kevin Christian L. Santos

Hey, weird team! If you haven’t noticed (or if you’re one of those recluse types who avoid social media), Nintendo is your new overlord thanks to the release of Pokémon Go.

Your social media feed is now full of either a) anti-China posts, b) the mysterious killings of alleged drug pushers and addicts (because if it’s written on a cardboard, it must be true), and Pokémon Go. It’s gotten so big that there are now more Pokémon Go players than there are active Twitter users.

Even if said game has gotten huge, weirdness doesn’t choose a target. Let’s take another look at the weird happenings going on surrounding the game—and the whole world.

8. Teenager gets hit by car while playing Pokémon Go, blames game for accident

In Pennsylvania, a teenager suffered injuries after being hit by a car while playing Pokémon Go. 15-year old Autumn Nolan said she was hit by a car as she was crossing a highway after catching a Pokémon. She is now reportedly in stable condition.

Both Autumn and her mother Tracy are blaming the game for the accident, with the latter saying “no game is worth your child’s life.” The mother also warns other parents not to let their children play the game.

However, the game’s loading screen tells users to be alert at all times and stay aware of your surroundings.

Is it that hard to watch where you’re going? Is it that hard to take personal responsibility for your actions? Is it easier for parents to blame anything but their child’s lack of accountability?

7. Robot runs over toddler in shopping center

In Silicon Valley, security robots have been suspended after one of the units ran over a toddler. The 300-pound robot rammed into a child, knocked him down and ran over his feet.

Knightscope, the robot’s developer, issued a statement saying, “The machine veered to the left to avoid the child, but the child ran backwards directly into the front quarter of the machine, at which point the machine stopped and the child fell on the ground. The machine’s sensors registered no vibration alert, and the machine motors did not fault as they would when encountering an obstacle.”

The company further added that the machines have been in operation for more than 35,000 hours and covered more than 25,000 miles without any reported incidents. The child is now in stable condition, getting only a scrape in the back of his knees.

Meanwhile, this is a sign that we have to bow down to our new robot overlords soon.

6. Woman squeezes husband’s testicles, kills him

In Vietnam, a woman is under investigation for allegedly killing her husband by squeezing his testicles during an argument and not letting them go for five minutes. 53-year old Lee Kim Khai died of suffocation on the way to the hospital.

According to a report, Khai was refused entry to his wife’s home on the night of the incident. He then used a handsaw to cut the lock on the door and barged in. It was at this point that the couple began to quarrel.

The wife, Phan Thi Kim Chuong, says her husband started hitting her and when their daughter pleaded for him to stop, he turned his attention to the daughter and started beating her as well. Having had enough, Chuong grabbed her husband by the balls and pulled him down to the ground. While still grabbing onto Khai’s private parts, she jumped on his belly and called the police for help. She only let go after neighbors intervened and her husband lost consciousness.

However, autopsy revealed that Khai had food stuck in his windpipe, which caused tracheal effusion leading to suffocation, as reported by the Inquirer.

Meanwhile, men reading this won’t want to spread their legs anytime soon. Also, here’s a tip: don’t hit women, much less be an asshole to them and run the risk of getting your dick crushed.

Speaking of dicks…

5. Woman takes picture of dick-shaped cloud, internet erupts

The sky in Miami is breathtaking pic.twitter.com/9yrGHy6DWZ

— S (@sammeaz) July 10, 2016

16-year old Samantha Meazaros took a picture of a dick-shaped cloud in Miami, Florida. In an interview,  Meazaros said, “I went to tell my mom something, but then I looked over her shoulder and said, ‘What is that?!’ and then she said that she was about to ask the exact same thing,” Meazaros said. “We were just like, ‘How in the world did this happen?’”

Since the internet is full of learned, mature, and sensible individuals, her tweet has since gone viral, because obviously.

Look out the window. How’s the weather? Cloudy with a chance of balls?

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