4. Sad Day

If you’ve ever wanted to throw a pity party, take inspiration from this group in Oregon that’s arranging a monthly event for people to, you guessed it, cry.

Alarmed by studies that some men cry as little as six times a year, a group led by Patrick Buckmaster is attempting to provide a safe place for men to let it all hang out—literally. The events host live DJ sets and performances from drag queens, complete with live criers; people who are paid to bawl. It apparently helps people get people in the mood. The event, dubbed as Sad Day, is the first of its kind. Other clubs are quickly jumping in on the trend.

So if you walk into a club someday soon to find that it’s basically a bunch of dudes sobbing into tissues, don’t be surprised. There, there, you sad bastards. Let it all out.

3. Box-cutter revenge

Not everyone is #blessed to be in a happy relationship, but after you get a load of this (pun not intended) you’ll look at your own and (hopefully) count yourself lucky.

Upset at the discovery that her husband was cheating on her with one of her best friends, a woman from Thailand decided to exact revenge in the most brutal way possible. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned as they say, but this lady took things to a whole other level. Luring him in with a little flirting and oral sex, she used a box-cutter to leave his wiener barely attached to his body. To her credit, she called an ambulance and even accompanied him to the hospital, where paramedics reported that he’d lost a lot of blood and might not recover full use of his penis—let’s not even mention the psychological trauma that comes with such a violent attack.

So guys, think twice before you decide to break your wedding vows. And ladies, try to stay away from sharp objects, yeah?

2. DD airbags

We’re sure that breast implants come with a lot of, ahem, perks, but none more so than serving as airbags after a wild kangaroo attack.

A 45-year-old woman from Australia was riding her bike along with her friend when a buck jumped them. Her friend suffered a concussion while she managed to get away with three cracked ribs, a couple of scrapes and ruptured implants. She underwent life-saving surgery after the attack, coming out with even bigger implants and a valiant sense of humor about the whole thing.

“Santa brought me 10 DDs in 2000, and it turns out they were 320 millilitres in size, but the surgeon this time has put in 400 millilitres so now they are bigger,” she said. “Now I have an extra 80 each side [sic]. Australia can be a harsh country, so best to be safe now [sic]. I suppose I should be thanking the kangaroo.”

1. Woman decides to breastfeed adult boyfriend full-time

We all know that breastfeeding is best for babies up to two years, but apparently it’s also great for body builders up to 36?

A woman from Atlanta has decided to achieve the bond that breastfeeding can build between people. She even quit her job to breastfeed her 36-year-old boyfriend full-time. Jennifer Mulford, breastfeeder, hasn’t given birth in over 20 years, so she shared that she and Brad Leeson, breastfeedee, have to ‘dry feed’ every two hours to trick her body into producing milk. While Adult Breast Feeding is kind-of a thing (we guess?), Mulford shared that beyond the erotic aspect of it, the practice brings both of them peace. She even says that she’d consider breastfeeding Leeson in public, to which we collectively say “please, no!”

We have questions. So many, many questions. But then again, we’d rather not know.

What weird news stories have you encountered this week? Sound off in the comments below!

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