8 Gods Who are, Well…


| June 28, 2018

8 Gods Who are,


By Kel Fabie

Ancient mythology is rife with stories about gods that ruled over the world. The age of mythology has yielded plenty of tales that reflect the adventures, and yes, misadventures, of these so-called gods.

In fact, based on the things these deities did in the course of their stories, you would think that, indeed, some of these gods are actually not too bright.

No, this list has nothing to do with current events, whatsoever. It’s a retrospective into mythology and the amusing stories our classes often leave out. Whatever gave you such an idea?


8. Koalemos

Origin: Greek

Koalemos is literally known as the god of stupidity, so it goes without saying that this is one god who is definitely all about stupidity. He’s only mentioned a few times in mythology, so there aren’t any actual stories about him going around, which is too bad. How exactly did he earn the title “god of stupidity?” What were his qualifications? Inquiring minds need to know!


7. Sekhmet

Origin: Egyptian

Often regarded as a warrior goddess, Sekhmet is infamous for having gone on a rampage upon a sinful populace in lion form, only for the other gods to take pity on the humans. By turning a lake blood-red with wine, the blood-thirsty Sekhmet ended up drinking the entire lake, resulting in what was probably the biggest hangover in mythological history. How long did it take Sekhmet to even realize it wasn’t blood she was drinking? Did she even care?

To add insult to injury, Sekhmet woke up as a cow, and she was known as Hathor in this form. Apparently, this god turned so stupid, she forgot her own name.


6. Masaka-Akatsu-Kachihayahi-Ame-no-Oshihomimi-no-Mikoto

Origin: Japanese

He is the father of one of the main deities in Japanese mythology: Ame-nigishi-kuni-nigishi-amatsuhi-kohiko-ho-no-ninigi-no-Mikoto, or Ninigi for short.

Given that Oshihomimi already knows how much of a pain it is to have a ridiculously long name, how much of an idiot does he have to be to name his kid even longer?!? Can you imagine the application forms he’d have to fill in, and all those exams where he can’t even fit his name in the provided blocks? What a nightmare. You would think his dad would be more sympathetic to his plight, but tough luck. Clearly, Masaka-Akatsu-Kachihayahi-Ame-no-Oshihomimi-no-Mikoto is not the sharpest tool in the shed.


5. Epimetheus

Origin: Greek

Known as the brother of Prometheus, Epimetheus is the one who gifted animals with everything: fangs, claws, wings, horns, incredible strength – all while leaving humans with nothing. This forced Prometheus to steal the secret of fire and give it to humans, just so they have a chance to survive. Epimetheus is often ridiculed because based on the etymology of his name, he is an “afterthought” (as opposed to Prometheus, the “forethought.”), as he acts before he thinks. Truly, the hallmark of dim-wittedness.

And, oh. In some versions, Epimetheus also left Pandora’s box, filled with all the horrors of the world, unlocked and out in the open. This guy! Seriously.