Nothing says true Christmas spirit like a keychain. Yehey, no more lost keys! People who think giving keychains is great must be as thoughtful as a wet tissue paper. The only people who like receiving a keychain during Christmas are people who collect keychains. As of this writing, there are 12 of them on the planet. A keychain is only acceptable as a gift if there’s a key with it. A key that opens the chest of Yamashita’s hidden treasure.
A photo album is an absolutely nice gift. If it was 1998. Seriously, who still uses photo albums? Maybe precincts with mug shots of suspected criminals. Actual photographs have become prehistoric in the Digital Age. Today’s photo albums are smartphones, laptops, and iClouds. Gone are the days when you actually flip through embarrassing photos of you dancing Macarena on Christmas Eve. Search your house and you’ll find an unused photo album, collecting dust instead of memories. Cue the dramatic violin!
Vanilla. Lemon. Cinnamon. Half-beaten egg whites. No, that’s not a list of ingredients for a cake. Those are actual candle scents (the last one does not exist. yet.). But none of those can compare to the scent of disappointment when receiving a 6457578th scented candle for Christmas. Who likes to have a house smelling like lotion every day? But all hope is not lost. There’s now a scented candle that smells like KFC chicken. Hopefully soon, there’ll be a Pizza Hut version too.
Ah, coffee. The favorite food group of hipsters. With coffee as celebrated as ever, you would think a coffee mug is a perfect Christmas gift. But no! A big, Venti-sized NO. It’s uninspired and dull. Plus, with today’s hip coffee drinkers choosing to sip from tiny espresso cups, test tubes, and emptied skulls of dead squirrels, coffee mugs are so passé. But what’s worse than a coffee mug? A coffee mug with a pixelated photo of you printed on it.
What’s the most unimaginative Christmas gift you have ever received? Tell us about them below!