Well, yes, he was a member of the New Mutants, and lived for a time at Xavier’s School for Gifted Children, but JUST. LOOK. AT. HIM.
Seeing as Gin Genie’s ability to generate seismic waves is directly proportionate to the amount of alcohol she has in her system, she would either be the most entertaining or the most terrifying person at a Friday night drinking session. Of course, it didn’t help that this character was written as an abusive alcoholic. But seriously, a character whose powers only kick in when she’s getting plastered? Clearly, someone had issues.
Even if we accept the fact that Dracula is an actual character in the Marvel Universe (he is!), we’d still need a whole heck of a lot of convincing to buy that the Lord of Darkness would, in a fit of hunger, feed on a cow named Bessie, resulting in her rising from the grave three days later as the undead bovine Hellcow. Wait, this character’s officially listed as being 300 years old, her milk may or may not grant immortality, and she has a cape that enables her to fly?!
We…need to lie down to process this.
Look, we like puns as much as the next guy, but when your character’s mutant power is listed in the official Marvel Comics Wiki as “Mutant ability to transform himself into any flavor of ice cream, including banana-split”, there’s really nothing more that needs to be said. On the other hand, if they ever put this guy in a movie, the studio would have a field day partnering up with Selecta or Baskin-Robbins. Then again, we can see how a film asking people to get a mouthful of bad guy would be difficult to market.
What other Marvel characters do you think we won’t see on the big screen? Tell us about them below!