Not many people know this but, 8list.ph website recently just turned five! Seems five years of airtime on the World Wide Web just flew by in a blink. Would eight years turn us into octogenarians? (Cymbals, please.)
Does five years mean 8list has reached Tito Age then? That being said, we sought sage advice from the most gwapo, most suwabe of Titos ever, none other than comedian and Internet action star Mr. Ramon Bautista.
Now we’d like to pass the mic to him so he could enlighten confused Titos everywhere on how to handle #TitoProblems without breaking a sweat, on how to age gracefully like all good Titos should.
Metabolism amongst Titos usually slows down when you hit 30. What is your fitness-diet-sleep advice on how to stay a Gwapo Tito?
– Pat Belly, 34, Marikina
Ramon: When you’ve been living on 30 years of puyat, chicheria and toma, whatever gym activity you do becomes a futile attempt to dig for the fountain of youth. Nature says that Titos stop breaking down sugars, rice and beer at the rate when we were still in the days of puberty. Gwapo then becomes purely a state of mind. It all begins with acceptance.
Tatanda ka talaga. Naalala mo ‘yung mga pinagtatawanan mo dati na ‘feeling-teenager’ Tito noon? Embrace your tito-tiyan like it embraces your abs.
What should I do if I’m single and 30 while all my friends are married, having kids, or buying houses already? What’s a good mindset?
– Nagmumurang Kamatis, 36, Makati
Ramon: They have taken the roads most taken in life. They have become mainstream. This is what society has planned for everyone. You, meanwhile—30, single, brave—have taken the backroads. ‘Dun ka dumaan sa mga eskinita o baranggay trails na wala man lang sa mapa ng Waze. Ayaw mong magpaalipin sa dikta na dapat ‘pag trenta ka na ay may asawa ka na.
Unless panget ka talaga at masama ugali mo, wala ka dapat ikabahala.
What’s your advice on how to become a “not annoying Tito” on Facebook? How can you air your political or religious views without losing your friends?
– Lee Troll Lapid, 35, Caloocan
Ramon: Stay positive and act cool by posting photos of yourself enjoying life and minding your own business.
Pero minsan nakakabwisit talaga mga nababasa sa feed at mapapa-comment ka talaga. Gumawa ka ng secret account tapos ‘yun ang gamitin mo sa pan-to-troll ‘saka pambabatikos.
Mag-isip ka ng mga pangalan like “Karl E. Puñeta” o kaya “Basura Boy”. Ang hirap sa Facebook e lahat magaling. Remember to separate your happy world from your garbage world. Parang si Batman ‘saka si Bruce Wayne.
What’s your advice on courting younger women?
– Dom, 39, Quezon City
Ramon: The thing here is that the mature younger women are in a world of immature younger men.
It’s not just accepted nowadays, but it makes a lot of sense. The mentally and emotionally mature women go for the mature Tito-Age Man rather than the Millennial douchebags.