This Week in Weird News:
Penis Whitening is a Thing?
By Kevin Christian L. Santos
Hey gang! How’s the New Year been? Did you receive your fair share of “last year pa ako naligo” jokes? Did the holiday break renew and re-energize your hate for your job? Well some things never change, just like how strange WTF happenings never seem to end. We’re only one week into 2018 and the weirdness just keeps coming.
Let’s kick things off with…
Total geniuses build island to avoid liquor ban
Over in New Zealand, a bunch of partygoers/geniuses decided to give a New Year public alcohol ban the finger by building their own island in coastal waters.
The crafty Kiwis built their own space in the Tairua estuary on the Coromandel peninsula. They even installed their own tables and ice box. Locals were joking that they were on “international waters” and were untouchable to local law enforcement.
The ban carries a fine of $250 or PHP 8,921. Good thing the police were pretty cool about it. “That’s creative thinking – if I had known [about it] I probably would have joined them,” said police commander Inspector John Kelly.
There’s now a beer you can drink in the shower because we deserve nice things
Face it, you’ve always wanted to get drunk while taking a shower. There’s something magical about the thought of drinking your sorrows away while your tears fade into the shower water drenching your body as you curse your dad for not hugging you enough as a child.
Lucky for you, a Swedish brewer is about to make your dreams come true.
Speaking to Munchies, Snask Founder and Creative Director Fredrik Öst said “We always loved the concept of drinking beer in the shower, so the idea to create a beer that would be drunk while showering was a must. But we also wanted to create a beer that would kickstart your night, hence a strong but sweet beer that would be sipped in three to four sips while getting ready to the tunes of ‘Dressed for Success!'”
Getting ready for a night out just got more fun.
Dippin’ Dots is launching a cryogenics company because reasons
Remember Dippin’ Dots? It’s the so-called “ice cream of the future” that were little spheres of frozen, creamy goodness. Yes, they were awesome and wished they were more available in the country. Well the company is taking its “ice cream of the future” tagline seriously.
In a press release, the company announced that they will be launching a cryogenics company, aptly named Dippin’ Dots Cryogenics, LLC. No joke.
No, it’s not going to be for freezing dead bodies to bring them back to life or to create super-soldiers. Speaking to USA Today, chief development Stan Jones said the company’s renowned flash-freezing technology will be used to freeze cheese starter cultures for dairy companies, aloe vera for nutraceutical makers and probiotics for pet food manufacturers.”
So no, don’t go severing heads to revive them for your own personal army just yet.
Butter Baby is your new spirit animal
Ever wanted to bathe in butter? Of course, you do. It’s practically the greatest invention on earth. Anything with butter is instantly better. Toast? You bet. Pancakes? Hell yeah. Horse manure? You got that right.
This baby found an open tub of butter and did what any rational adult wanted to do deep down: rub the dairy goodness all over its skin.
Instead of getting mad, the person filming just let the child do its business because you don’t mess with a toddler’s childlike-sense of wonder dammit.