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This Week in Weird News: Don’t Shove an Eel Up Your Ass

Yup, people are still strange.

| April 21, 2017

5. Ghost appears in woman’s selfie, and OH HELL NO

Sure, we can’t blame you for believing in science rather than the paranormal. However, we are only but a speck of dust in the entire universe, and there are a lot of things we can’t find concrete truth to yet. Like ghosts. And ghosts appearing in your selfies. Unfortunately for Melissa Kurtz, a ghost decided to join in on her selfie.

If you look at the picture closer, there appears to be a boy at the backseat of Kurtz’ car. The only problem was there was no boy to begin with while the photo was being taken.

When Ms. Kurtz did her research, it turned out her photo coincided in the anniversary of someone’s death an accident on the very road where the picture was taken. She thinks the dead person might be the child in her backseat. Paranormal investigators say that the child was trying to warn her to wear her seatbelt to prevent any further accidents.

So there you have it. Wear your damn seatbelts if you don’t want a ghost making you pee your pants.

 

6. Grandmother discovers the magic of green screen, becomes Youtube sensation

In more cool grandmother news, a 62-year old woman in Russia discovered the magic of green screen using Premier Pro.

She has now produced a variety of videos of herself doing all sorts of stuff, from riding on a flying carpet, deep sea diving, and more. She talks about how she was able to create the awesome special effects in her videos as well.

Her work has gone such immense attention that she was also invited to show off her mad editing skillz on the Russian evening program Vecherniy Urgant. Meanwhile, I find myself crying and stressing over the things I can easily do.

 

7. Church includes marijuana as part of holy sacrament, where do we sign up?

Fan of PDEA? Stop reading this now.

Denver’s International Church of Cannabis just opened this week, much to the delight of stoners, burnouts, and fans of doom metal and the Grateful Dead.

The church’s website says its members are called “Elevationists.” Their mission states “The International Church of Cannabis’ mission is to offer a home to adults everywhere who are looking to create the best version of themselves by way of the sacred plant. Our lifestance is that an individual’s spiritual journey, and search for meaning, is one of self-discovery that can be accelerated with ritual cannabis use. Elevationists claim no divine authority, nor authoritarian structure, therefore, those of all religious and cultural background are welcome to visit our chapel and take part in our celebrations.”

Marijuana is legal in Colorado with some limitations: Smoking the reefer is illegal in public, along with certain venues.

This just gives “high priest” a new meaning. So where do we sign up? For research purposes, of course.

 

8. Giant black worm discovered in the Philippines, is here to haunt your dreams forever

Scientists have just discovered rare giant shipworms in the Philippines, the first time to find live specimens. The five feet, two-inches wide worms look like evil, jet black sperm from Lucifer’s ballsack. Or for a more PG description, they look like evil black phlegm from Lucifer’s nostrils. The worms spend most of its life encased in a hard shell and submerged in mud, probably due to self-esteem issues.

Via Reddit

Known as the giant shipworm or Kuphus polythalamia, scientists are saying this is the longest bivalve known to man according to a study published in the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America.

In a report by the BBC, scientists say they were surprised by the shipworms’ black color, considering most of the species have lighter, cream-like colors. It also has a smaller digestive system compared to other shipworms, and instead opting for a diet of mud and marine sediments.

For the love of God, don’t be like that guy from China and don’t shove Kuphus polythalamia up your ass for your constipation. Or for your kinkier desires.

 

What was the weirdest for you this week? Don’t share them with us below. Please, god, no.