This Week in Weird News:
Why Are People Like This?
By Kevin Christian L. Santos
If you haven’t heard the news by now, the United States has launched missiles at a Syrian base after Syria’s use of banned chemical weapons killed 72 civilians, including 20 children as of writing. Russia is also Syria’s most powerful ally, and US president Donald Trump has been accused of having ties with Russia. We can only imagine what happens next. This is it. This is how it ends. This is doomsday.
But enough about that. Let’s try to keep your mind off the impending apocalypse or the coming of Cthulhu by taking a peek at the weirdest things happening in the world today. Because weird > end of the world. Might as well embrace our inner weirdness right? Let’s rub peanut butter all over our nipples and check out some odd stuff, like:
1. Monkey throws poop at grandma in zoo because shit happens
So Jake and I thought we were going to have an average day at the zoo… turns out it would be the day of the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I’m seriously dying of laughter. And I can’t believe I got it on video. Just watch… #ItGotGrandma
I’d also like to take the opportunity to help raise money for any improvements to the chimp exhibit, as well other zoo needs. If you have a few bucks to spare, please consider donating it to John Ball Zoo at http://www.jbzoo.org/support/donate
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Posted by Erin Vargo on Sunday, April 2, 2017
In what was supposed to be a fun day at the zoo, an innocent grandma proceeded to have the shittiest day ever. Why? A gorilla was possible enraged by the number of people staring at its naked gorilla-ness, and proceed to throw poop. In this case, said poop landed right on the nose of our poor innocent grandma.
“It’s got grandma!” a voice off camera cackles with glee. What a load of shit.
2. Demi Lovato frees Poot, Twitter goes wild
Back in 2015, Poot Lovato was born into the interwebs after Tumblr user cstcrpt uploaded this rather unflattering photo of pop-star Demi Lovato:
The creator said Poot was Demi’s long-lost twin sister who was locked in a basement. Her backstory was even published on friggin’ Wattpad. And since the internet is full of mature individuals, the memes started pouring in:
RT if you support Poot Lovato ❤️ pic.twitter.com/ZXhVACvtfz
— shannon (@champagnemomthr) October 15, 2015
Demi wasn’t too pleased:
That all changed when Demi tweeted a GIF of Poot:
— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) April 3, 2017
Twitter went apeshit! (sorry grandma)
@ddlovato OMG YOU LET HER OUT.
— Alex Goldschmidt (@alexandergold) April 3, 2017
@ddlovato DEMI NO U DIDNT
— parker kit hill (@ParkerKitHill) April 3, 2017
@ddlovato SHE’S BACK
— dodie (@doddleoddle) April 4, 2017
And naturally, the memes started pouring:
— 103.7 KISS FM (@KissChattanooga) April 4, 2017
— BodySaying Demi (@demilovaqto) April 3, 2017
Never change, internet.
3. Malaysian politician says it’s ok for rape victims to marry their rapists because he is an asshole
In shitty-human-being news (sorry again grandma), Shabudin Yahaya, a member of the Barisan Nasional coalition in Malaysia, said girls aged 9-12 years old are “physically and spiritually ready” for marriage.
He said “They reach puberty at the age of nine or 12 and at that time, the physical state of their body is already akin to those 18 years of age.
“For a wife who was raped, if she can marry (the rapist) she would not go through such a bleak future.
“At least she has someone who can become her husband. So, this will be a remedy to social problems,” as reported by the Malaysian Digest.
But wait, there’s more. He also reasons out that sex offenders aren’t really bad people or continue to be bad people. He said, “Maybe he repents, or regrets. It is better to have people who regret rather than people who do not regret. So in this case, let us not put an assumption that the person will remain bad. (Marriage) can be an exit clause for this problem.”
You know what’s weird? It’s 2017 and we still have guys like this who have their heads so far up their ass working in the government.
4. Hackers can easily hijack a dildo camera because Y THO?
In why-would-you-want-to-do-that news, Motherboard reports that hackers from a UK security firm was easily able to hack the Svakom Siime Eye, a vibrator with a camera on its tip (so you can stream it to anyone you choose, if that’s your sort of thing). However, if you’re in Wi-Fi range of the dildo, you can watch the video stream as well, and even control of the dildo with a bit more hacking.
Okay, a few things. Why would the company making the dildo make it Wi-Fi accessible, making it accessible to almost anyone. And why would you want to hack into someone else’s dildo?