We Can’t Handle These
8 WTF Moments in
“Game of Thrones” S7 Ep6
By KARL R. De MESA
It’s already been more than a week since last episode’s unfortunate leak but I’m still in shock about the events in that one.
A caveat right off the bat, this list has SPOILERS GALORE. So if you haven’t watched the latest episode, which is Season 7, episode 6, titled “Beyond the Wall” turn back now. Otherwise, it’ll be a cold day in Sansa’s already perpetually stressed nethers…
Still reading? Good. I hope you’re ready to get stuff articulated off your chest. Let’s tackle some of the biggest plot issues, logical inconsistencies (in a damn medieval fantasy series), and downright WTF moments that beggar plausibility in that episode.
I enjoyed every minute of it.
WORST. PLAN. EVER.
Dondarion, Thoros of Myr, and Tormund Giantsbane set out from Castle Eastwatch-by-the-Sea to—I kid you not—bring back a still “living” wight to Cersei to show her that the threat from the dead is real and somehow convince her from there to put aside the immediate threat of being usurped by a Targaryen.
Fans have dubbed this group the Westerosi Magnificent 7 (let’s not forget the three, or was it four, couriers that were left conveniently unnamed and therefore immediately expendable) and some have dubbed it the stupidest kind of assault group to ever be formed by an RPG noob. Let’s put aside the fact that there’s only one healer (Thoros) in this party, but the plan of search-and-grab is absolutely ludicrous because of three reasons: 1) The wights almost always travel in squads and are often found in the company of a powerful White Walker, 2) You can’t drug or KO a wight because, well, it’s technically dead and doesn’t have consciousness to begin with, and 3) If you need to beat it up every so often to keep it docile, how do you deal with the potential for loss of parts (literally falling of) that are already rotting? And it’s a long, long way to King’s Landing from north of the Wall.
“Smart people don’t go up North looking for the dead,” quipped Tormund to Jon, and it’s a true WTF moment when the wildling barbarian has the most sense among the cultured Westerosi. The “Wost Plan Ever” was a recipe for catastrophe waiting to happen.
So when this happened, the party quickly getting surrounded by what must be the whole of the wight army and then the White Walker commanders, I could only shout at the screen in pained validation: “I TOLD YOU SO!”
So, a few episodes back, Ser Davos Seaworth found Gendry, likely the last bastard of King Robert, in an armory at the ass end of Flea Bottom, bringing an end to the joke among fans that the dude must still be rowing his way back to the capital. In episode 6, he’s now trudging in the frozen wasteland with hardened soldiers and warriors.
This prompts Jon to ask the obviously uncomfortable young man “Ever been North before?” “Never seen snow before,” replied Gendry.
When things go belly up for the party and Jon tells Gendry to “Runback to Eastwatch and tell Danaerys what happened!” the WTF moment is not only the idea of Gendry being able to get back to the castle with just his heels of celerity but it sets off a chain of improbable time loopholes in a world that only has three forms of transport: feet, beasts of burden (including horses and donkey and the such), and dragons. But we’ll get to all that good stuff later.
It’s been opined in forums that Gendry had to run for four to five hours in nearly sub-zero temperatures to travel approximately 60 miles sans food or water. And all that from a guy who hasn’t even snow before. And he had no weapons in a land full of undead polar bears and zombies. Lucky bastard. Technically he could have drunk some of the ice but who has time to properly melt those when you’re doing your level best to Usain Bolt?
Rowing champ of Westeros and, now, also the track champ.
So, after Jon Snow gets submerged under a lake with a frozen surface, this mysterious figure appears from out of nowhere, cutting through the wight horde with his flaming chained mace (or a fiery poi ball) to the rescue of our dear Stark hero.
Why, it’s the half-undead Uncle Benjen, the former ranger prime of Castle Black. Where the fuck did he come from? How did he survive getting past the White Walker commanders? Who knows? There’s no time for explanations!
There’s apparently even less time for Uncle Benjen (the equivalent of the kindly undead Coldhands in the books) to just get on the damn undead horse and escape with his dear nephew. Seriously, Benjen, it would have taken like two seconds to jump on the damn thing. The horse will take two people easy and won’t tire because, you know, IT”S NOT ALIVE.
No! He has to sacrifice himself to the wight army right fucking now. And the last we see of him is his flaming mace getting overwhelmed by wight bodies. Has Benjen’s watch ended? It would seem like it.
ARYA vs SANSA?
So, Arya has previously confronted Sansa about the circumstances of how she got to pen a less than shining letter of traitorous intent to her brother Robb, and also her seeming complicit role in her father’s eventual beheading.
Never mind why Sansa didn’t just burn the letter right away, this new weird sibling rivalry is just off kilter for two people who have been through so much and grown so far into maturity that this spiral into paranoia, in the mind of both Arya and Sansa, is just way out of character. You’d think that after going through the rituals and training of death at the hands of the Faceless Men Arya would be more sympathetic of tragedy and hardship, and you’d think that Sansa, after the trauma of rape and political pawnship would have a more articulate way to communicate with her own sister.
Now there is a legitimate reason to believe that Sansa believes Arya will kill her and needs to put up safeguards for that. I can’t give Littlefinger all the credit for this manipulation but, to b fair, he really does know how to manipulate the natural character weaknesses of people.
Still, it is at best vague what Arya seeks to accomplish by goading Sansa into such a panic. Unless it’s a ruse within a ruse to setup Littlefinger and show Sansa you can’t trust him. That would be master assassin-level perfect.