Jeje Rap Versions
of Hit Songs
By Kel Fabie
The last time we put up one of these lists, three of the 8 entries ended up disappearing from the face of the internet. With any luck, doing another one of these lists would also make some of these “hits” disappear, because hearing these audio abominations inside a jeepney is horrible enough.
Here are 8 more songs you may (or may not) like, given that unique jeje rap treatment we all know and love(?).
Bagsik Ng Baybreeze – “I’m Yours” (Jason Mraz)
Let’s open things up with a standard duet rap featuring Bagsik Ng Baybreeze, made up of Ghian, Dhelllicadeza, and Jasper. What? You guys ran out of extra H’s to hand out to Jasper or something?
From the off-key chorus sung by the girl, to the rote rhyme scheme and lyrical flow (or absolute lack thereof) of the rapping verses, to the horrific choice of pictures for the video, this is a non-stop parade into what you can typically expect from the jeje rap genre. It’s pretty much like good taste tried to approach the damned thing and shriveled up and died before it could so much as touch it.
KimMyOnlyLove – “Hero” (Mariah Carey)
Not only is the song a travesty of the highest order as KimMyOnlyLove decided to compare his lady love’s “oo” to frigging “nata de coco,” the video is peppered with horrible cheesy lines aimed towards the girl in the pictures we assume to be Kim, who probably never consented to having her not particularly flattering photos blasted on the internet like this.
CedricLobsTricia – “Valentine” (Martina McBride)
CedricLabsTricia, huh? That’s an interesting name. Well, what’s even more interesting is that this version of Valentine is highlighted by the complete lack of female vocals, instead relying on our rapper to pull double duty on the song as he becomes both the jeje rapper and the off-key singer. Such multitasking ability is laudable if they were directed towards anything remotely better, like maybe a root canal or clawing across a chalkboard.
Clearly, CedricLabsTricia, but Tricia couldn’t be bothered to record this atrocity with him.
Stupidyante – “Angel” (Shaggy)
With a built-in beat meant to be rapped on in exactly the same way as Shaggy did, it’s a wonder that Stupidyante still managed to botch that flow.
Or not. Because he did call himself “Stupidyante,” after all. People who willingly call themselves that are probably not that much smarter than Taser Face when it comes to life choices. It’s also a hallmark of a jeje rap song to actually namedrop the name of the woman you’re singing about (in this case, it’s “Janelle,” and I don’t know how many extra H’s that goes with), and to rap about being a bad boy willing to go good, which Stupidyante does here in spades, as he promises “handa akong iwanan ang aking kayabangan,” as if being a guy named “Stupidyante” isn’t in any way a hint that the dude has absolutely nothing to be “mayabang” about.
Dello, Dreh, Yawasap, Zikk, Bogz, Dize – “Star ng Pasko” (ABS CBN)
It’s just that there’s something about taking the now-classic “Ikaw ang Star ng Pasko” Christmas carol and turning it into a rap song instead. It just gives you goose bumps, and not the good kind.
Omay feat. Mr. Riyoh – “Love Yourself” (Justin Bieber)
It’s especially telling to note that Mr. Riyoh didn’t do a rap verse in this song, and instead only sang ala Bieber with the help of a lot of Autotune.
Alexiz – “Closer” (Chainsmokers)
Well, Alexiz has managed quite an improbable feat with what he has pulled off here: he made me actually wish I was listening to the Chainsmokers instead. The end times are here!
G-Fire – “First Love” (Utada Hikaru)
“O, bakit, ano nangyari?”
“Eh kasi, mehn, binalewala ko yung pag-ibig niya para sa akin, eh.”
“Gago ka pala, eh!”
Do you love Utada Hikaru? Are you a fan of the winsome Japanese singing sensation who has captured the hearts of everyone with her earnest singing, even if half of her lyrics were incomprehensible to us non-Nihongo-speaking plebes? Well, you’re in for a treat, then.
There’s a lot of reasons why I think that despite Alexiz’s best (worst?) efforts and Mr. Riyoh’s mere presence, G-Fire still takes the cake as our best (worst!) jeje rap song here, and a lot of it has to do with all the ingredients in this track coming together for maximum unintentional hilarity.
Opening dialogue featuring friends talking about lost love while drinking? Check!
Jeje rap themes covering a bad boy regretting losing his love because he didn’t turn good enough for his lady? Check!
Off-key chorus sung by a girl? Check!
And now, the piece resistance: butchering the lyrics of “First Love” to actually sing “you will always gonna be the one?” Hell yeah, check!
Whenever we feel that we’re doing something we shouldn’t be doing, and that we absolutely suck at it, we should always remember that so did G-Fire, but they sure as hell didn’t give a damn. If only for that, we should heed their example and draw courage from within, because there is no other logical explanation for how this thing could possibly exist…
… Except for drugs, which, come to think of it, perfectly explains why our President is so hardcore against them.
What were your finds? Share them with us below!