Nation, it’s always a great honor to be the host country of any huge international sporting event, and this year’s Southeast Asian Games is no exception. Unfortunately, from the very lazy-looking logo of the event to the unfortunately hilarious mascot we got, things just kept getting worse and worse for us. It’s quite the dumpster fire, really.
Speaking of Fyre, this year’s SEA Games is beginning to look a lot like that infamous event sometime in 2017. And because with every dumpster fire comes a dumpster phoenix from its ashes, this was co-produced by one Jeffrey Atkins, better known as Ja Rule. Let us count the ways this budding fiasco looks just like the rapper’s magnum opus to unintentional comedy…
8. Everything is lazily put together.
It seems that the only thing you can be sure of with this year’s SEA Games is that everything was put together at the last minute, and the only thing that was given any attention to was the propaganda hype. The Fyre Festival was a testament to the old saying “all flash, no substance,” and this year’s SEA Games looks to be no different.
7. Everything’s ridiculously overpriced.
We’ve seen tons of reports of how much outfits for our athletes supposedly cost, and not even in upscale sports shops do we encounter the prices we’ve seen. Meanwhile, they get a 6-B budget, yet all they have to show for it is something like this:
ito po saan ang allocation? at magkano ang budget? pic.twitter.com/fszuH2Q4Wr
— babybabybaby (@PAUlovesMOM) November 19, 2019
Ja Rule once asked: what’s my mother f***in’ name? Apparently, the answer is S-E-A-G.
6. People are falling over themselves to document this disaster in the making.
When the Fyre Festival crashed and burned the way it did, not one, but two competing documentaries came out to talk about how it all went to hell. We might not get even one documentary out of our own fiasco, but the local news outlets are waiting in eager anticipation to make their own snarky headlines as they do the editorial equivalent of “we told you so” after this inevitable comedy of errors.
5. Everything is a race against time.
With the odds against them, the Fyre Festival pushed through: minus the artists people were promised, minus the luxury tents they paid for, minus the gourmet food they expected, minus everything that remotely seemed worth paying $20,000 or more for. That’s because the whole thing was put together at the absolute last minute, and clearly, concessions had to be made.
Meanwhile, everyone knows that the SEA Games is something being prepared for about a year or two in advance, but we just started around last February. Let’s see what concessions we’re going to have to make. It might end up being another 8List in the making.
4. The ones who get burned are the ones doing all the work.
Forget the kids who got swindled. Nobody who went to Fyre Festival is hurting for cash even after being swindled for tens of thousands of dollars. The ones who really got stiffed? This lady.
She’s symbolic AF.
Maryann Rolle did all she can to help the producers by cooking food non-stop, to the tune of $50,000 of her own life savings, only to find them gone while her entire livelihood crumbled before her very eyes.
Meanwhile, our athletes, the ones who are competing for our country in the SEA Games, get the short end of the stick.
No mincing words.
So if we accept that 50M was spent on the cauldron as a “monument” to our athletes, while the athletes themselves get no money for training, then what exactly is this cauldron being a monument to? Maybe Hidilyn Diaz and Wesley So have some ideas. Sadly, this issue is not even remotely new.
3. We have our own Kendall Jenner.
Meet our very own Kendall Jenner.
The resemblance is uncanny.
2. We also have our Andy King. Possibly.
Andy King was the hero the Fyre Festival did not deserve.
You know what for. Don’t be coy.
In order to make sure the Festival would get going because they needed the water, the event’s producer, Andy King, was fully prepared to do whatever it takes (Whatever. It. Takes!) just to get things done. And at the rate things are not getting done when it comes to preparations for the SEA Games, someone might have to actually do the same thing.
We have a few ideas who would be Best to Give this Amazing Piece of Camaraderie, but our lawyers told us to stop right here.
1. They’ll get away with it, too.
Ja Rule, just last Tuesday, was cleared of any criminal wrongdoing for the Fyre Festival, unlike his partner Billy McFarlane. This, despite him insisting what he did was “false advertising,” but totally not “fraud.”
And that’s the painful reality of this all: the Ja Rules of our world get to create all the disasters they want at the expense of other people, then just move right along to their next one. Ja rule still plans to do another Fyre Festival soon. We shudder to think what the “brains” behind the SEA Games plans to do next – with taxpayer money, no less.
And for all of Ja’s faults, he might not always be there when you call, but he’s always on time – which is more than can be said for whoever put together this trainwreck of a sporting “event.”