Who’d Have a Harder Time
if They Were Pinoy
By Janus Dosequis Harvey
It’s not easy being a superhero. Even among the pantheon of Pinoy superheroes, you can see that the likes of Darna and Lastikman have their daily challenges to go through, often unique to their heritage. That’s why transplanting these heroes in Marvel’s New York or DC’s Metropolis won’t always be a great fit.
Well, in some cases, certain heroes wouldn’t fit in too well if they ended up in the Philippines, either. Here are just a few of those heroes…
8. The Hulk
Superpowers: The madder he gets, the stronger he gets. Unfortunately, he also loses control, and Bruce Banner, the man behind the Hulk, definitely hates it when that happens to him.
The Problem: The Hulk will never run out of reasons to be angry if he lived in the Metro. From the traffic to the law enforcers to the lawmakers to every single person running the show, all it would take is a dumb Tweet to set him off here, because as dumb as some things in America is right now, it can often get even dumber in the Philippines – although their current president might have a thing or two to say about that.
Superpowers: He can talk to fish.
The Problem: Since Aquaman is always in the sea, he won’t be able to tell if he’s actually a Filipino superhero or a Chinese superhero anymore.
6. Professor X
Superpowers: The most powerful telepath in the world who can read minds.
The Problem: Do you seriously want to know what the average Filipino really thinks of you? We certainly don’t.
5. Iron Man
Superpowers: A super-genius who has invented a superpowered armor.
The Problem: Have you seen the people who steal the wires from active power lines in this country just to sell it for scrap metal? Tony Stark’s armor won’t stand a chance against determination on that level!
4. Silver Surfer
Superpowers: The Power Cosmic, and a cool surfboard he rides on.
The Problem: Where does he plan to surf if we start closing all the good beaches down for rehabilitation?
Superpowers: Does whatever a spider can. Also, invented web-shooters to swing from places.
The Problem: Once Spidey gets out of Makati, BGC, or Ortigas, he’s gonna have a hard time swinging from anywhere, especially once the condo developers lobby for the government to ban Spider-Man from swinging from condominium buildings. Could be useful though when the MRT breaks down.
Superpowers: None, but he’s a billionaire with an iron will to be the best at everything he does.
The Problem: When Batman’s parents were killed, he was raised by Alfred, his badass butler. If this happened to him in the Philippines, he would be raised by the equally badass Yaya. Unfortunately, unlike Alfred, Yaya Freding will never let Bruce out of her sight, preventing him from slipping away to gain the training and skillset he needs to become the Caped Crusader.
Superpowers: None, but a skilled cat burglar who sometimes works on the side of good.
The Problem: Can you imagine what will happen when she prowls at night at a posh neighborhood?
What superhero do you think would survive in the Philippines? Tell us below!