There is no snow in the Philippines ergo it is too warm to wear garments meant for colder climes and polar blizzards. Yet why do Pinoys love to wear them? Feeling abroad or imported, it is a fantasy that will cause heated discomfort, itchiness, nausea and possibly a near death experience. Here’s the checklist you must avoid at all cost. Yet they remain in our collective un-fashionwise unconscious, why?

Never use a boa, headdress, hem or sleeves in ostrich, pheasant, rooster or even peacock, Pinoys are not bird brained and yet designers love to festoon full plumage on their willing fashion victims.

Unless you’re in a witness protection program and fear for your life, do not attempt to sap your scalp with searing perspiration. But I see hapless idiots wearing full afro wigs lately recalling that 70s show. Unless you were born without pores.

Leave it on your floor as an area rug but anyone who wears an endangered species or faux fur coat is dangerously flirting with fainting from extreme body heat. Do not try this at home.

Perfect to welcome autumn’s chill, this overcoat is worn by the youth as a Goth garment. Even if it’s by Burberry, it can only find comfort in Baguio. Yet this is a favorite staple of the fashionistas. Explain, please?

Every man wears this winter scarf with a t-shirt with jeans.It is itchy and may cause drowsiness from the lack of oxygen to your face. When and how did this trend start, I for one, wish to know.

The fabric du jour of every Pinoy designer in town. It is a crepe blend with rubber, this fabric was originally used as deep sea diving suits. It is literally heavy as in 20 pounds for a long gown.

Say it’s Sixties, say it’s sad. But every Pinay (and Boy Abunda) wears this winter footwear as sexy accessories. Think sex bomb dancers and Japayukis, whatever happened to them?