A Paranoid Girl’s Guide
to Modern Dating
By Tynne De Leon
So you find yourself meeting people as potential partners. Then you realize it’s more complicated than you think: communication can be hard at times, mixed signals are everywhere, and there are these unspoken rules that you do not know of—and these things are totally stressing you out. Alas, welcome to the game that is modern-day dating.
But don’t fret, these experiences can turn into great lessons and can turn you into a better version of yourself. For now, here are some things that you need to remember as you find yourself playing in this “game”:
8. It’s normal to date someone you met through a dating app
We’ve long seen people use dating apps, but most of them don’t really want to talk about it for fear of being judged. Newsflash: it’s perfectly normal—people use them to get dates and some are just shy to admit it.
However, remember to date at your own risk. It’s important that you set boundaries before you meet with people you talk to, and it helps to know at least some information about them to set your mind at ease.
7. Splitting the bill is okay
Dating someone automatically means you’ll be spending more money—from going to different places to food trips. You (or your date) need not always have to shoulder the entire bill just because you’re the one who invited them (or vice-versa)—unless you really insist. But remember: splitting the bill is okay, and it doesn’t automatically give you a bad first impression. After all, you both agreed to meet, so both of you must have prepared for it at least.
6. You can always say “no”
If you’re not comfortable holding hands, or even kissing someone on your first date, you can always say no. Speak your mind, communication is a good thing.
5. It’s okay to not keep in touch when you feel it won’t work out
There comes a time when you realize that you’re not compatible with the person, and it feels like you’re stuck in a situation wherein you’re left not knowing how to deal with the awkwardness. So you end up ghosting them, or worse, leaving them when you’ve found someone knew. You can avoid this by being honest with your feelings. The point of dating is to know whether you both click, and know that not all relationships work out.
4. It’s okay to ask the guy first
FYI: Gender roles are so last millennium. At a time when women are stepping up, demanding equal pay, and fighting for respect…of course it’s okay for you to ask a guy out. Come on girls, it’s 2018. You don’t just sit and wait and then complain that you’re single and alone. Go ahead, call him first.
3. Following up does not mean you’re desperate
There is this unspoken rule in modern dating that the goal is to look interested, but not too interested because you don’t want to look desperate. Following up on your next date is definitely not being desperate. It’s normal to ask for a follow-up date especially if you both had a great time on your last meeting. But if you’re constantly asking the person and they don’t seem interested anymore, then that’s another story.
2. Expect to be ghosted
This is probably one of the worst, yet the most common experience in modern dating. Social media has made it easy for us to communicate, just as it has made it more complicated. There are times when the person you’re dating may eventually disappear into thin air, and most probably won’t reply to your messages like, ever. It’s not okay, but it happens. The best thing that you can do is to take a step back and have zero expectations. Speaking of which…
1. Manage your expectations
The internet, and even our childhood ideals, have probably shaped our ideas of a perfect partner. And that is one reason why most relationships don’t work out. We always have this idea of a perfect person that may have caused us to disregard some potential partners. Manage your expectations, remember that everyone has flaws. Just enjoy the fun in meeting new people, and who knows, you might find what you’re looking for in someone you didn’t expect.
What other things worry you about modern dating? Share your stories with us!