Gwyneth Paltrow is infamous for setting such high standards for beauty among women (please detect the sarcasm) with her rather questionable tips and regimen that she guarantees will make any woman look as gorgeous as she is.

Remember: don’t try any of this at home. (Please.)

Apitherapy

Paltrow mentions in her interview with The New York Times that she had undergone apitherapy, or the medicinal use of products from bees — honey, pollen, and beeswax included. But the more extreme form of apitherapy involves getting stung by bees which Paltrow has admitted to doing. As to why she did, she said: “People use it to get rid of inflammation and scarring. It’s actually pretty incredible if you research it. But, man, it’s painful.” Why wouldn’t it be hella painful?!

Vaginal Steaming

Yep, you read that right.

In an article she posted on her beauty line Goop’s blog page, she highly recommends a treatment you can avail of at the Tikkun Holistic Spa in LA called Mugworth V-Steam. She explains: “You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release — not just a steam douche — that balances female hormone levels. If you’re in LA, you have to do it.”

You mean blowing hot air up our sacred temple? Not sexy at all.

Oil Pulling

It seems that Paltrow has even tried and tested a few traditional remedies. She talks to E News about oil pulling which is the act of swishing oil (typically Sunflower or Coconut) around your mouth for 20 minutes meant to improve oral health. When asked about what she thought of the treatment, she answers: “It’s really interesting; it’s an ancient, ancient technique. I read about it on the Internet.” Yeah, don’t we all like trying out new trends because the Internet says so?

Synthetic Snake Venom Cream

Paltrow never really explicitly said that she tried this weird anti-aging cream, but she has been reportedly spotted buying loads of them from Sonya Dakar Spa in Beverly Hills. The Ultra Lux 9 cream, which is used for the spa’s own facials, contains snake venom that works to “diminish the appearance of fine lines, expression lines and deep wrinkles.” As the old adage goes: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (or, in this case, younger).

Cupping

Paltrow has sported blotchy cupping marks publicly, seemingly as a status symbol — that she does all this ancient forms of therapy to make her body look great while ours will eventually deteriorate, much like her relationship with Chris Martin did (nope, still not over that). But while she may have written a lengthy post all about cupping therapy on Goop, there exists no clear evidence of its health benefits and could even do more harm than good.

Using Prayed-over Products

There is this lengthy article on Goop about products made with “intention” — those that have been prayed, chanted, or meditated over. Paltrow, along with others who actually market their products this way, believe “intent” is what makes these products better and more effective than regular ones that haven’t been prayed over. She associates this with the fact that people bless their food before eating, and that patients who are prayed for do much better than those who aren’t. We kid you not; she actually says this on her article’s introduction.

But whether you believe in the power of prayer or not, specifically over beauty products, it doesn’t seem like a legitimate standard to set when shopping for your beauty arsenal.

Yoni Eggs

The fact that Goop sells jade eggs, or yoni eggs, online means that Paltrow has pretty much tried it and swears by it. In a nutshell, yoni eggs are used by women to increase their sexual energy and pleasure. And yes, it’s something you insert inside your vagina. Read more about it here!

Foam Roller Detox

Who needs regular exercise when you can just roll all your fat and cellulite out with integrative structural specialist and frequent Goop contributor Lauren Roxburgh’s Foam Roller Detox? Paltrow has even called her a body whisperer and supports this “exercise” which promises to “help you sculpt longer, leaner muscles, stand an inch taller, look ten pounds slimmer, and renew your body and mind.” Imagine: all that by just lying down and moving around on a piece of log! A miracle.

Which one of these do you cringe at the most? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below!