We’re inching closer towards Christmas. As the holiday spirit is expected to reach nuclear levels, so does the wide, wild, wacky world of weirdness. WTF doesn’t take any Christmas breaks, it just works overtime.

So before you go shopping for Christmas gifts for people who didn’t even bother greeting you on your birthday, let’s take a look at some of the strange things happening this week.

Let’s start with…

Scientists may have found a 512-year old shark

A satellite tag from from this female, which we caught earlier this year in #Greenland, has just reported her position. She is now ~500 km from capture location and she is not alone…. another shark tagged on same expedition is almost at the same location. This is the first piece of evidence on #Greenlandshark group migration. Good job GS304 and GS309 👊🏻🦈👊🏻🦈 #greenlandsharkproject #tagandrelease #oldandcold #extremefishing #science #sharkscience #psat #wildlifecomputers #arctic #ocean #fishing #shark #marinebiology #marinescience #conservation

A post shared by Julius Nielsen (@juniel85) on Sep 7, 2017 at 12:44am PDT

What was happening 500 years ago? The world was still being explored. Nostradamus was still foretelling his prophecies. The first portable watch was invented and Galileo Galilei made the first thermometer. We weren’t fighting in the comments section. And it’s possible that a shark lived through all that.

Danish scientists may have found a 512-year old 18-feet Greenland shark. Greenland sharks live for up to centuries, but this guy went all the way to 500 years.

Still, Senator Enrile might even get to outlive this shark. His secret? Bathing in the blood of innocents.

Minion steals lawn from homeowner and proves he’s a douche by taunting him

Proving that Minions are the spawn of Satan, one particular Minion is terrorizing a man in Australia by stealing his lawn and taunting him online.

Bradley Nicklin woke up and found a part of his lawn had vanished. CCTV footage showed a despicable Minion walk into his yard with a shovel in hand.

Not content to the theft, the Minion took things further by creating a “Carl Minion” profile on Facebook to torment Nicklin. It even has photos of him running around with a shovel with a patch of the lawn in hand.

Minions are the worst.

This Zootopia fanfic may or may not be about anti-abortion

In case you didn’t think the internet could get any weirder – I discovered there’s a Zootopia pro life fanfic comic pic.twitter.com/2t9NKGyFL1

— Eric Munn (@emunn) December 6, 2017

How would you like your Disney cartoons with a dash of propaganda?

A Zootopia comic fanfic titled “I Will Survive” was released earlier this year by artist William Borba. The comic details Judy Hopps being impregnated by Nick Wilde. Curious? You can read it here.

Naturally, people had thoughts about the comic.

well folks i just found out about the pro-life Zootopia fan comic, so that’s me done for the day. pic.twitter.com/h3yp7FXWTm

— Gavia Baker-Whitelaw (@Hello_Tailor) December 6, 2017

heres the best part of the zootopia pro life comic pic.twitter.com/Qn6sEEPvLH

— 8 days til birth anniversary (@UsingThisAccont) December 7, 2017

/logs into twitter
“pro-life zootopia comic”
/logs off twitter

— jenn (@theyoungdoyler) December 7, 2017

Because people would always normally imagine Disney characters boning each other. Ever watched a Disney cartoon and ever wondered, hmmm, this would be even better with a dash of unwanted pregnancy? No? Moving on, then.

This Italian family can’t feel any pain

A 78-year old woman, her two daughters and their three children can’t sense temperature. They can’t feel any pain either. They don’t even notice if they have had their bones broken. Now, scientists are trying to figure out why.

Speaking to New Scientist, James Cox from the University College London says the family feel “pain in the initial break but it goes away very quickly.” He adds, Letizia broke her shoulder while skiing, but then kept skiing for the rest of the day and drove home. She didn’t get it checked out until the next day.”

Cox and his team found out that though the family has a normal number of nerves in their skin, they all have a mutation in their gene called ZFHX2. When Cox and his team deleted this gene in mice, they found the creatures weren’t sensing pain when pressure was applied on their tales. They were however, hypersensitive to heat. This may suggest that the gene may be tied to what we perceive as painful or not.

Cox and his team hope that further studies could help in reducing the feeling of pain and hopefully develop drugs to achieve that effect. Think of all chronic pain sufferers that could benefit from this drug.

We also wish we couldn’t feel any pain from all the times our dad didn’t hug us.

British surgeon has been burning his initials to people’s livers because he’s an asshole

In douchenozzles of the week news, British surgeon Simon Bramhall has pleaded guilty for assaulting two patients by branding his initials onto their livers during organ transplant procedures.

NPR reports that “Bramhall used an argon beam coagulator, which seals bleeding blood vessels with an electric beam, to mark his initials on the organs.”

The Guardian also states that the argon beam is not enough to damage the organ as the marks usually disappear by themselves.

On the positive side, at least he didn’t brand a penis onto the liver. You gotta look at this with a glass half-full.

Computer writes weird new Harry Potter chapter

We used predictive keyboards trained on all seven books to ghostwrite this spellbinding new Harry Potter chapter https://t.co/UaC6rMlqTy pic.twitter.com/VyxZwMYVVy

— Botnik Studios (@botnikstudios) December 12, 2017

A predictive keyboard has written a new chapter in the Harry Potter series. Its title? “Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash.” Sounds like a real page-turner.

The chapter was created by Botnik Studios, who fed all seven chapters of the book through their computer program.

Here are some choice lines from the chapter:

“He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione’s family.”

“Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest.

“Voldemort raised his eyebrows at Harry, who could not see anything at the moment.”

Still, this sounds a lot better than having a damned Zootopia pregnancy comic.

“Dear David” ghost child has reappeared and DEAR GOD NO

In the next photo, from a minute later, he seems to be staring straight up at the ceiling? Just staring. pic.twitter.com/MoW6CPcKoD

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

If you’re not familiar with the whole Dear David saga, START NOW. It’s basically about New York-based illustrator Adam Ellis narrating the creepy things happening in his apartment as a ghost is terrorizing him. Get up to speed here.

His latest entry to the saga has even more scary pictures of the alleged ghost child.

But last week something started to happen. Late on Wednesday, I woke up with a start and felt something strange, like something had just been watching me. I turned on the light but I was alone.

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

Still, there was this a tangible feeling of… badness? Everything felt wrong, sort of like when you have the flu and you wake up at night and can’t really tell where you are for a minute.

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

It was a feeling I’m used to—it always accompanies David. People tweet at me a lot saying he might just need help, but I’m certain that’s not the case. Every time he shows up, I feel a palpable sense of malice.

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

There’s what I felt that night. Malice. Dread. But still, I was alone. And I was so tired, I wound up just going back to sleep. I’ve been so exhausted recently I can barely function.

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

The next night, the same thing happened. I woke up suddenly, feeling like I had just missed seeing something. Like a candle had just gone out and I could still smell it.

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

I thought about using the pet cam from the living room to monitor my bedroom while I slept, but the cord was too short to get the camera high enough to see the entire room. So I improvised.

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

I downloaded an app that takes a photo every 60 seconds and set my phone on top of a bookcase (it’s almost 7 feet tall, so it had a pretty good view of my bed and the surrounding room). Then I went to sleep.

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

Just like before, I jolted awake hours later, feeling the same unease. I turned on the light and hurried out of bed to get my phone from the bookcase. There were probably 350 photos to scroll through.

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

The vast majority of them were me sleeping in an empty room. It’s sort of dark but you can see me sleeping. I’d left a couple night lights on just in case anything showed up, but for the first hundred or so photos it was just me in an empty room. pic.twitter.com/yDwR7to8xA

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

pic.twitter.com/f6NSCGJRMb

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

Then, suddenly, he was there. Standing on the chair at the foot of the bed staring at me.

— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) December 13, 2017

You can check out more from his Twitter account. Frankly, we’d like to get some sleep tonight, thank you.

Here are the most hilarious wildlife photos for the year

Wildlife photographer Tibor Kércz bagged the top award in the Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards this year. His photo depicts a tiny owl falling from a branch.

And it’s safe!

Here are some of the winners and finalists this year:

The more we see animals, the more we realize people suck.

What was the weirdest? Tell us below!