This Week in Weird News:
Ever Wanted to Look
Like Angelina Jolie?
By Kevin Christian L. Santos
Hey gang! Weirdness doesn’t go on a break even in the holiday season, it just works overtime. Maybe it’s the Christmas season making the planets align and showering us with all sorts of WTFs, giving us more reasons why aliens won’t visit us.
Here’s the weirdest stuff going on this week! Starting with…
Teen undergoes surgery to look like Angelina Jolie, now looks exactly like her
An Iranian teenager has reportedly undergone 50 different surgical procedures to look like her idol, Angelina Jolie. As you can see, GREAT SUCCESS!
Nineteen-year-old Sahar Tabar said she would do anything just to look like Jolie. In addition, Al-Arabiya reports that Tabar even went on a diet just so she could maintain her 40kg weight for her transformation.
This is what she looked like before:
The teenager has gained quite a following on her Instagram because of her transformation. But the reception wasn’t all positive. One person called her a “zombie” and the “Crypt Keeper in drag.” This is the internet after all, where it’s full of polite and responsible individuals.
But seriously, holy shit.
In more why-would-you-do-that-to-yourself news…
Woman gets eyeball tattoo, needs to have said eyeball removed because surprise
The 24-year old said “There is hemorrhage and sclera tearing from the size of needle used, depth and amount if ink. They are also concerned that the equipment was not sterile and that there is an infection stuck in with the excess ink. People, please, don’t make my mistake. Please.” She was in extreme pain and her eye got swollen shut, causing her to lose her vision shortly after the procedure.
Interestingly enough, it was Gallinger’s ex-boyfriend who did the tattoo. He said the side effects were normal and then dumped her after. Why? Because he’s a shitheel.
Yetis might be fake because nothing is sacred anymore
Because we can’t have nice things, the yeti/Bigfoot/Abominable Snowman/your hairy ex might just be a bear after all these years.
Biologist Charlotte Lindqvist analysed DNA found from “yeti” bones in the Himalayas. She didn’t find Bigfoot, but found that the specimens belonged to bears and one dog.
In the British science journal Proceedings Of The Royal Society B, Lindqvist said that the bones belonged to black and brown bears living in the region.
To make us feel better from our collective disappointment, Lindqvist said “You can never for sure prove that there is nothing out there.”
People filmed a nude game of tag in a Nazi concentration camp because they’re assholes
A video showcasing a naked game of tag in a concentration camp as a visual art performance has, unsurprisingly, sparked widespread outrage.
The video was shot in 1999 by Polish visual artist Artur Zmijewski and was filmed at Stutthof concentration camp, near Gdansk, Poland. 65,000 people died in the said site.
The film, titled “Game of Tag,” was exhibited in Krakow in 2015 and was met with protest. Filming of the exact location was not known until this year. Protesters are now asking on the president of Poland to explain why the filming was allowed in the first place.
The number of people who prefer having sex with robots is about to surge because reasons
Nalulungkot at walang makausap? Single since birth? You might want to consider getting it on with robots.
Studies have shown that the number of men whose only romantic and sexual relationships with sex dolls will surge. Sex dolls today are common. There’s even a brothel staffed entirely by robots. Not kidding.
Ethics researchers Neil McArthur and Markie Twist of the University of Manitoba says that psychotherapists should prepare for people actively engaging in “digisexualities.” These digisexuals might soon shun intimate relationships with their fellow humans and opt for virtual reality porn and sex robots.
If you’re single, don’t worry. You might not have met the right person and programmed them yet.
Speaking of sex…
There’s now a smart condom that can tell your performance if you’re into that sort of thing
The i.Con smart condom can collect intimate data of the men who wear it. It can also help detect STIs like chlamydia. The question is, are you brave enough to wear it?
British Condoms say that the i.Con can also measure the number of calories burned during s*x, the speed of your thrusts, and even the positions used.
How does it work? No, it’s not a reusable condom. The i.Con is a band that fits around the bottom of your schlong. That means you need to put on an actual condom first before you get to experience the i.Con’s effects and see if you’re a total stud muffin or a floppy bird.
There was a time capsule found in the butt of a statue of Jesus
Here’s something you don’t see everyday.
Restorers of an 18th century Jesus Christ statue have found a note hidden inside the Son of God’s butt. The note dats back to 1777. Not making this up.
Sadly, the note didn’t say anything about Christ’s return or any other mind-blowing revelation. Instead, it discussed Spain’s popular pastimes, famous people, religious and political matters among others. It was signed by Joaquin Minguez, priest of the cathedral of Burgo de Osma.
Which begs the question, why would anyone want to look inside a statue’s butt?
Elon Musk drops the mic on flat-earthers
It’s 2017, and we have people believing that the Earth is flat. The Flat Earth Society believe that, you guessed it, our world is indeed flat and anything that suggests otherwise is part of a conspiracy conjured up by NASA. This is a good reason to stay in school, kids.
Recently, Tesla and SpaceX head honcho, billionaire, engineer, inventor, and possibly the smartest man alive who can beat your daddy up Elon Musk wondered why is there no Flat Mars Society?
Why is there no Flat Mars Society!?
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) November 28, 2017
The Flat Earth Society decided to reply:
Hi Elon, thanks for the question. Unlike the Earth, Mars has been observed to be round.
We hope you have a fantastic day!
— Flat Earth Society (@FlatEarthOrg) November 28, 2017
Observed to be round? Observed by who? We’re confused. They also gave us this gem:
It’s a hypothetical possibility, but not one that’s backed by any evidence to date.
— Flat Earth Society (@FlatEarthOrg) November 29, 2017
Never mind that we’ve already had decades of data and evidence that prove Mars AND the Earth are spheres.
Stay in school, kids. And don’t do crack.
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