This Week in Weird News:
and Eating Dog Poop
By Kevin Christian L. Santos
Hey gang, we just witnessed a rare lunar trifecta! Were you able to see the lunar blood moon? It was pretty cool:
The rare phenomenon must have triggered some weirdness into our world, because we got lots of WTFs happening this week. Starting with…
1. Woman has balloons injected into her face to fight off cancer
In China, a woman had balloons injected beneath the skin of her face in an effort to remove a cancerous birthmark on her face.
23-year old Xiao Yan was born with a birthmark that stretched across her face. The birthmark is a congenital melanocytic nevus, a rare birthmark that affects one in 100 infants.
Xiao says that despite the mole, she was still able to have a fun, carefree childhood with her friends. However, doctors advised she needed to get treated ever since she started experiencing pain on her face in March of last year. Doctors say it may be a sign of cancer.
Doctors inserted four balloons under her face, and would inject them with saline solution. The solution expands the balloons, stretching her face in the process. The excess skin will act as a skin graft, covering the wound once the mole is removed. Her treatment will end in June this year.
“I used to feel sorry for myself,” Xiao said. “But I’ve grown up under the support of my family and now I’m much more positive.”
Here’s to a successful surgery for Xiao!
2. 80-year old man guilty of sexually molesting cows because reasons
In Britain, an 80-year old man has been banned from setting foot in ALL farms in the country after being found guilty of molesting cows.
Witnesses say they John Curno putting his arm inside a cow’s rectum and performing various sex acts in farms.
Susan Howie told the Uxbridge Magistrates Court that she saw Curno twice with his pants down “courting” her cows.
She said: “The cows are left unattended in the field especially in the summer we leave them in there day and night.
“I went out in my white pick-up truck and the gentleman was with a cow, he had his left hand interfering with the cow and his right hand on a part of his lower body, his shirt was covering it.
“He was masturbating you could see it moving up and down and his trousers and his boxer shorts were at his ankles.”
When Curno was arrested, he allegedly told officers “I’m not a violent person. I have a weakness with animals.”
Giving up on your diet and succumbing to sisig and unli-rice is a weakness. Molesting cows? Don’t think so.
Those cows have seen horrible things, and they’ll never be the same again.
3. “Emotional support peacock” barred from entering airplane
A woman wasn’t allowed to take her “emotional support peacock” with her on a United Airlines flight.
Even though she offered to buy the bird its own ticket, United Airlines says the bird wasn’t allowed due to weight and size restrictions.
After being in New Jersey’s Newark Airport for six hours, the woman decided to drive across the US instead with her feathery companion.
This is why the human race is doomed. Stop animal discrimination now!
4. Man finds foot-long centipede, kills it, mounts it on wall
— Michelle Broder Van Dyke (@michellebvd) January 29, 2018
65-year old Clayton Cambra from Hawaii is a manly man. Check out his moustache.
He told the Hawaiian Herald Tribune that he’s always been fascinated by “ugly creatures.” When he spotted a massive centipede, he did what other manly men fascinated by ugly creatures do: he tried to capture the damn thing with a bucket.
Clayton said “I put it in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer. Then after it died, I took it out and thawed it. And the next day, I put him on a piece of Styrofoam board and pinned him out and injected him with formaldehyde.”
The centipede clocked in at 14.5 inches long.
The former taxidermist says he even got an offer of $1,000 for the centipede, to which he declined.
“I don’t want to sell it. If I get rid of it, I ain’t got it. I want to keep it. People collect all kinds of things. I know people on the computer who collect these alive and keep ’em as pets. I don’t want that damn thing alive.”
Good point. Who would want to keep a giant centipede alive? A cow molester, that’s who.
5. After 20-hour marathon gaming session, man gets paralyzed from the waist down
Ever played videogames so much that your legs got paralyzed?
A man in China lost sensation from the waist down after 20-hour gaming session at an internet café.
Reports say that the man started playing on January 27 and his friends called for an ambulance at the same spot the next day. The man tried to go to the toilet but realized he couldn’t move his legs.
Ever the champion, the man begged his friends to keep playing his game while he was being stretchered to the ambulance. What a guy.
6. Man killed after being sucked into MRI machine
In India, tragedy struck when a man died after he got sucked into an MRI machine.
32-year old Rajesh Maru was visiting a relative at a hospital in Mumbai. Police say that he was pulled into the machine’s magnetic force after he entered the room carrrying a metal oxygen cylinder.
Rajesh’s uncle said a janitor told him to carry the oxygen cylinder and even assured him that it was safe to enter the room, saying the MRI machine was turned off.
Speaking to Agence France-Presse, Mumbai police spokesman Deepak Deoraj said “We have arrested a doctor and another junior staff member under section 304 of the Indian penal code for causing death due to negligence.”
MRI machines use a powerful magnetic field to create images of one’s organs. Metal objects get pulled towards it and you should never carry any metal into the room.
In 2001, a six year old boy died when the MRI’s magnetic force pulled a metal cylinder from across the room, crushing the boy’s head.
7. Apparently, cuckolding is good for some couples, study shows
Do you ever get aroused at the thought of your partner having sexual relations with another? No? Then you’re completely normal. However, a recent study shows that cuckolding may be good for couples.
A study by David Ley, Justin Lehmiller and Dan Savage says that cuckolding fantasies may not even be seen as a sign of weakness.
Speaking to CNN, Ley says “This fantasy has been around as long as marriage and sexuality.” Lehmiller also surveyed thousands of Americans, with results showing that 58% of men and a third of women had such fantasies.
The team says cuckolding may be arousing since people view it as a taboo, and seeing your partner with someone else can be a turn on.
Savage says “It’s not cuckolding if there isn’t an element of humiliation, degradation or denial. Our erotic imaginations have the ability to turn shame lemons into delicious kink lemonade.”
Riiiiiiiight. Then again, there’s a fetish for being peed and pooped on.
Speaking of poop…
8. Worst couple in the world gets arrested for making kids eat dog poop
In terrible human being news, a woman and her girlfriend is accused of making three children eat dog doo.
Charges against Amanda Wright and Besline Jospeh include: child abuse, assault, reckless endangerment, neglect of a minor, stalking, use of a dangerous weapon with intent to injure, false imprisonment and causing ingestion of a bodily fluid, reports KLTV.
Officers say that the children were confined to a home, locked in closets and in the basement. The kids were also regularly beaten. An investigation shows that the children sustained bloody noses, bruises, and cuts.
That said, let’s hope that the two gets a shit sandwich in prison.
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