This Week in Weird News:
Deer Are Now
By Kevin Christian L. Santos
Hey gang! It’s May and it’s still hot as hell, and the government is still finding new ways to make us shake our damn heads. But hey, Mother’s Day is coming up, so maybe they’ll find a way to change their ways so their moms won’t regret giving birth to them.
Speaking of giving birth, the wild, wide world of weirdness birthed a lot of WTF happenings this week, with stuff like:
1. More than 7,000 bodies found buried underneath medical center
Researchers have found the graves of more than 7,000 bodies underneath the University Of Mississippi Medical Center, the Huffington Post reports.
The land where the medical center was built was part of the Mississippi State Lunatic Asylum, which was shut down 80 years ago. Dr. Molly Zuckerman, an associate anthropology professor at Mississippi State, says the asylum housed around 35,000 patients from 1855 until 1935.
Zuckerman says that the asylum’s mortality rate was quite high. Most patients died within 13 months of being institutionalized. Common causes of death ranged from tuberculosis, strokes, heart attack, influenza, and nutritional deficiencies. She says most of the people buried had no relatives that could come and claim the bodies, or weren’t notified of their relatives’ death.
Zuckerman hopes that this recent finding can bring closure to some of the patients’ family members.
2. Man dives into 1,000 mousetraps for science or something
The Slow Mo Guys, a group of guys dedicated to showing you what the world is like in slow motion (hence the name, duh), decided it was a good idea to throw themselves in harm’s way by showing the interwebz what setting off 1,000 mousetraps look like. Why? Science, or something like that.
For their slow mo fun to come into fruition, they had to set up said mousetraps on a trampoline, a process which took four hours. It took roughly four seconds to set the mousetraps off by diving into them and experience what looks like an excruciating amount of pain after. Good times.
3. Pastor throws woman into fire during exorcism, unsurprisingly dies
In Nicaragua, a pastor and several of his followers are in hot water (groan) for an exorcism gone wrong that resulted in the death of a 25-year old woman by throwing her into a fire.
The pastor, 23-year old Juan Rocha, and four of his followers received a 30-year sentence for the murder of Vilma Trujillo. Rocha and three of his followers also received a six-year sentence for illegal detention of the woman. Rocha and the rest of the accused say that Trujillo was possessed by the devil, but they deny committing the murder. They LITERALLY threw her into a fire. How is that not committing murder?
Witnesses say that Trujillo was kept tied up for a week without any food or water in Rocha’s church. She was then thrown naked onto a burning pile of wood. She was rescued hours later by relatives, but succumbed to her injuries a week later.
4. Pikachu gets violently dragged offstage
In screw-your-childhood news, a dancing Pikachu was violently dragged offstage by men during the Pokémon Festival in Songdo, South Korea.
The unlucky Pikachu was dancing with its brethren, when it suddenly began to deflate (?) and/or shrink (?) and was promptly dragged offstage. You can see the weirdness unfold at the 1:10 mark of the video.
What could it all mean? Was the soul sucked out of the deflated Pikachu for being forced to dance in front of a crowd, a hollow being of the glorious creature it once used to be? What happened backstage? Will he be offered as a blood sacrifice for tarnishing the image of the Pikachu bloodline? We’ll never know. In other news, they’re still so cute.
5. Deer caught chewing on human carcass for the first time ever, because Bambi’s pissed
In what could be revenge for the heartless murder of Bambi’s mom, scientists have documented a deer chewing a human corpse for the first time ever, reports GMA News.
A research team from the Texas State University lead by Daniel J. Wescott wanted to examine the marks scavengers left on a human carcass. The team left a human corpse in the Texas’ Forensic Anthropology Research Facility wooded area, and set up motion-sensitive cameras to document animal activity. The usual suspects came in like coyotes, raccoons, and foxes, but didn’t expect a deer to come in and start feasting.
190 days later, the corpse was reduced to bones and the team saw a deer gnawing on one of the rib bones. Another deer was seen chomping down on another rib bone a few days later. This is the first time scientists have seen deer chowing on human bones.
Though deer dining on our remains seem new to us, scientists say that these creatures have been documented of eating other animals in the past. This might be due to them compensating for the lack of minerals in their otherwise herbivore diet. Furthermore, the research team says that hoofed animals consume bone to get phosphorous, that’s essential to supplement their minerals that are lacking from their diet of greens.
Bottomline? Don’t fuck with Bambi.
6. When you drink seawater, this is actually what’s inside
— Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) May 3, 2017
The ocean is huge, and happens to be the home of many creatures you don’t want to mess with. The next time you’re at the beach, make sure you don’t swallow any seawater, because said creatures might just make a trip down your throat.
Photographer David Littschwager showed what dwells in one drop of seawater, magnified 25 times. The photo reveals a diverse ecosystem in a drop, and features crab larva, bacteria, fish eggs, zooplankton, and worms. WORMS.
So next time you’re swimming at the beach, make sure to keep your mouth shut. Or don’t even go to the beach at all. It’s a scary place.
7. KFC releases steamy romance novel starring Col. Sanders because why not
KFC just released a downloadable romance novel starring Colonel Sanders titled “Tender Wings of Desire”, because reasons and maybe it’s for Mother’s Day? Who knows. The cover features a muscular Colonel Sanders in a beach carrying a woman who’s holding a chicken drumstick, as nearby waves come crashing to the shore. The book’s launch came with an ad of a model seductively reading the book’s pages aloud, that might maybe guarantee to leave your mom all hot and bothered and feeling finger-lickin’ good… or something. That’s what moms want we guess?
Give Mom her true heart’s desire this Mother’s Day—a family meal and a romance novel featuring Colonel Sanders. pic.twitter.com/WHJNL9kRqn
— KFC (@kfc) May 4, 2017
8. Mocha Uson appointed as Assistant Secretary of the Presidential Communications Operations Office, vows to fight fake news because reasons
Things that taxpayers in the Philippines are paying for: the salary of a boxer/senator who does not know the meaning of separation of church and state, the salary of a senator who’s also a plagiarist and a mysoginist, and now Mocha Uson, who was recently appointed as the assistant secretary of the PCOO. She also vows to fight fake news. Because she herself isn’t a perpetrator of fake news, right? Anyway, this is how we pictured her fighting fake news:
Got something more cool on your list? Share them with us below!