4. Woman spends one month knitting from her vagina because why the hell not

In the performance piece “Casting Off My Womb,” “craftivist” and performance artist Casey Jenkins places an entire ball of wool inside her vagina and uses it to knit various garments for 28 days. She still continues to do this while menstruating because reasons.

When she’s menstruating, she says knitting is a lot harder since the wool gets wet and she has to “yank it.” It would at times get uncomfortable to arousing.

You gotta love internet, and you gotta love the arts.

3. Man brings “emotional support duck” during flight and now we want one

My seatmate, CLT➡️AVL, is this handsome duck named Daniel. His gentle quacking eases the sadness of leaving #SFA16. pic.twitter.com/iDKWCceAFi

— Mark Essig (@mark_essig) October 16, 2016

Speaking to Buzzfeed, Mark Essig said he saw an unusual creature walking the aisles in his flight to Asheville. The creature turned out to be Daniel, an “emotional support duck” who was accompanying his owner on the plane ride.

Here is Daniel The Emotional Support Duck in all his red-shoed glory. pic.twitter.com/rBkK0QnBKr

— Mark Essig (@mark_essig) October 17, 2016

Daniel was wearing red slippers and a Captain America diaper. Essig said that the owner says Daniel prefers the Captain America diaper over the others. We’re not sure how he knows that.

Essig was also able to capture a picture of Daniel gazing at the clouds:

Daniel, the duck on my flight, likes to look at the clouds. pic.twitter.com/YiOjCvZ0NO

— Mark Essig (@mark_essig) October 16, 2016

Now, if we were allowed to have our very own emotional support duck, the world and the comments section would be a better place.

2. Man who said his penis was “too small” to rape has been found guilty of raping sex workers

Over in Canada, Jacques “Porkchop” Rouschop was found guilty of raping sex workers. The jury rejected his defence that his penis was too small to be capable of sexually assaulting anyone.

In a very weird trial, Rouschop was ordered to show his penis to a judge in court to prove his claims. He also claimed that his belly was too big and that his hernia made it painful to have sex with anyone. Another claim was given his short arms and big belly, he was incapable of choking anyone from behind.

Rouschop, who claims he had the “penis of a seven-year old,” has been convicted of sexual assault twice in the past. In 2013, police linked him to the murder of another sex worker.

Currently, Rouschop would be serving an indeterminate prison year sentence with no chance of parole for a minimum of seven years. Meanwhile, we don’t know what a “penis of a seven-year old” looks like and how he came to that comparison. Actually, we’re better off not knowing.

1. Man who chopped off mother’s head and posed with it on Facebook now stands trial

26-year old Bahsid McLean is facing trial for murdering his mother in their home, dismembering her body, and taking a selfie with her severed head.

In a report by the New York Daily News, McLean’s lawyer argues that his client was mentally ill and didn’t know right from wrong at the time. McLean allegedly stabbed her 52-year old mother after the latter told him he was a bad father. Police say that McLean then went to a hardware store to buy a power saw. McLean used the saw to carve up her mother’s corpse. McLean then stopped to take a selfie with her mom’s head before stuffing her body in garbage bags. Police found the photo on McLean’s phone. Police were alerted to the bags when a passer-by stumbled upon them and called the authorities.

To cover up the crime, McLean called the authorities to report his mother as missing. When police asked for a photo of her missing mother, McLean gave his phone, to which officers found the chilling discovery.

McLean’s lawyer Lynn Calvacca also claims that her client has been hearing voices inside his head since he was 10, and that he has been in and out of mental hospitals ever since.

However, prosecutors are arguing that McLean knew exactly what he was doing and that he was a cold-blooded killer.

And that’s enough internet for today.

Anything we missed out on? Share them with us below!

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