Dello, Dreh, Yawasap, Zikk, Bogz, Dize – “Star ng Pasko” (ABS CBN)
Perhaps the least egregious of these renditions, this track claims to be a collaborative effort by some names Flip Top fans might recognize. It’s actually not that terrible, when you take a listen to it.
It’s just that there’s something about taking the now-classic “Ikaw ang Star ng Pasko” Christmas carol and turning it into a rap song instead. It just gives you goose bumps, and not the good kind.
Omay feat. Mr. Riyoh – “Love Yourself” (Justin Bieber)
Did you ever want to see a Hitler apologist sing a jeje rap song? Did you think that “Nagmahal Ako ng Bakla” by Dagtang Lason was the height of Philippine music excellence in 2009? Well, you’ve come to the right place! Omay, bless his soul, has decided to collaborate with the infamous Mr. Riyoh for what could be best described as a lackluster rap version of Justin Bieber’s song. With so much head swaying going on during the video, you would be worried Stevie Wonder would sue these two for trademark infringement if he saw these shenanigans.
It’s especially telling to note that Mr. Riyoh didn’t do a rap verse in this song, and instead only sang ala Bieber with the help of a lot of Autotune.
Alexiz – “Closer” (Chainsmokers)
Most new versions of jeje rap songs, of this one is a prime example of, takes the original style of the song and uses it as the opening verse, instead of just using the song’s chorus as the hook for their verses, then proceeds to do actual rap verses afterwards.
Well, Alexiz has managed quite an improbable feat with what he has pulled off here: he made me actually wish I was listening to the Chainsmokers instead. The end times are here!
G-Fire – “First Love” (Utada Hikaru)
“Mga pare, ikwento ko sa inyo about sa first love ko, ha!”
“O, bakit, ano nangyari?”
“Eh kasi, mehn, binalewala ko yung pag-ibig niya para sa akin, eh.”
“Gago ka pala, eh!”
Do you love Utada Hikaru? Are you a fan of the winsome Japanese singing sensation who has captured the hearts of everyone with her earnest singing, even if half of her lyrics were incomprehensible to us non-Nihongo-speaking plebes? Well, you’re in for a treat, then.
There’s a lot of reasons why I think that despite Alexiz’s best (worst?) efforts and Mr. Riyoh’s mere presence, G-Fire still takes the cake as our best (worst!) jeje rap song here, and a lot of it has to do with all the ingredients in this track coming together for maximum unintentional hilarity.
Opening dialogue featuring friends talking about lost love while drinking? Check!
Jeje rap themes covering a bad boy regretting losing his love because he didn’t turn good enough for his lady? Check!
Off-key chorus sung by a girl? Check!
And now, the piece resistance: butchering the lyrics of “First Love” to actually sing “you will always gonna be the one?” Hell yeah, check!
Whenever we feel that we’re doing something we shouldn’t be doing, and that we absolutely suck at it, we should always remember that so did G-Fire, but they sure as hell didn’t give a damn. If only for that, we should heed their example and draw courage from within, because there is no other logical explanation for how this thing could possibly exist…
… Except for drugs, which, come to think of it, perfectly explains why our President is so hardcore against them.
What were your finds? Share them with us below!