8 Shakespearean Figures Carlos Agassi Epitomizes Based On His Discography (and FB Messages)

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8 Shakespearean Figures Carlos Agassi Epitomizes Based On His Discography (and FB Messages)

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

| February 12, 2018

Mercutio: people make their own luck

Romeo and Juliet is easily the most well-known of Shakespeare’s work, but it is criminal how underrated Mercutio, Romeo’s best friend, happens to be as a character. Quick of wit and always ready with a few jokes, Mercutio was the only sane man in a play filled with idiots. While others believed in fate and destiny, Mercutio was the only one who died cursing the Montagues and the Capulets, knowing full well that it was the actions of people that led to his demise, not some pre-destined fate written in the stars. Mercutio took charge of his life, but alas, since he’s not the main character, it didn’t turn out as well for him as it should have.

Carlos as Mercutio: Come on. You have to see Mercutio in Carlos Agassi even while I was describing him, because he fits the Amir of Rap to a T. Think about it: isn’t Carlos Agassi messaging as many women as possible for a hookup the very definition of taking matters into his own hands?


Chiron and Demetrius: sacrificed for the sake of a greater narrative

Titus Andronicus, a revenge tragedy, is considered the most violent and gruesome of all of Shakespeare’s works, and is generally regarded as his attempt to mimic the style of his contemporaries at the time. It has been dismissed early on as prurient, but has come to be regarded as a treatise on Rome and its contributions to Elizabethan society, the human condition, and far more.

Chiron and Demetrius were baked into a meat pie by Titus, and fed to Tamora, their mother, without her knowledge – until it was too late.

Carlos as Chiron and Demetrius: Just like Chiron and Demetrius were Tamara’s, siya ang dinner mo.


Julius Caesar: the nature of betrayal

Julius Caesar is as well-known a tragedy as they come: perhaps one of the greatest conquerors in all of history, coming to an end at the hands of those whom he trusted the most. If there is one character he would understand how it feels to be betrayed, it would be Julius Caesar himself.

Carlos as Julius Caesar: Clearly, the messages Carlos sent to these ladies were all private correspondences. In fact, he even included his cellphone number in one of these messages. But like Caesar before him, Carlos was betrayed by those whom he trusted. This isn’t even the first time this happened to him before, since he clearly trusted someone who told him that he could “rap.”

Truly, betrayal is a painful pill to swallow: why must it come when we least expect it? But is a betrayal we have come to predictably expect truly a betrayal, for that matter? Such is the nature of our inquiry that the Amir of Rap has managed to figure out for himself in these troubling times.


Othello: stick to your own kind

Via pri

Othello speaks about the utter incompatibility of Othello’s nature with his quest for happiness. The casual racism heaped upon him just adds to that, but for our purposes, let’s focus on how likely much less tragic his life would have been had he instead decided to also take a Moor for his wife. No Desdemona, no Iago. No Iago, no betrayal. No betrayal, no downer ending.

Carlos as Othello: After all the laughs had at Carlos’s expense, did he learn anything? Well, according to him:

Thanks for this weird feeling of embarrassment and happiness. Embarrassed cuz the people I care about are affected and happy cuz I truly now know the people who actually truly care about me 💗 funny thing half of the pics are Masahista and actors sa set namin 🙈not even the person I’m seeing or meeting :) then the rest of the conversation screenshot pics we set up cuz she txted I’m single I can’t add u and I replied ok take out some friends then she said let’s meet at this time then kept changing the time and I was already waiting :) wow, lesson learned , be really careful cuz some people won’t think twice to hurt your feelings or ruin your reputation just to be famous or make themselves look like a babe, I actually told myself cguro pag di hot chick mabait, yun pala yung hot chick mas mabait, and won’t post pics or even take screen shots;) so I guess don’t lower your standards and stick to your type ☺️ maganda, mabait and maalaga 💋 I really wanna post some vids of me making fun of my stupid situation but naisip ko baka masaktan yung mga tao na mahal ko so il just post this :) if you are a single man pls learn from my mistake :) if asking a single girls cell number or asking her out on a date is wrong. I should just probably wait for the right one 🙏🏻all in God’s time P.s I think a group of people who hate me ganged up and collected a lot of material and put much effort to try and hurt me or even more destroy me, I am not sure and nor will I waste time thinking who you are instead I will add you to my nightly prayers that you be touched by the lord, dude or dudes pls love your life , not thru me nor hate me cuz I’m living and enjoying mine. Spread the good vibes and seriously I don’t mind people talking shit about me cuz I know myself but when people I care about get affected I get more affected :( I pray for the strength and guidance to do what is right and to become a Better version of myself ❤️ I appreciate all your positive comments and again thank you all, sorry ulit sa mga nasaktan , Di ko po naisip na may mga gagawa ng ganito as akin at Mali makipag usap sa single na babae.

A post shared by Carlos Amir Agassi (@carlosagassi) on

Yep. He’s essentially saying that the girls who rejected him weren’t hot girls anyways, so he should have stuck with asking only hot girls out, and to “not lower his standards.” 

In the end, while Carlos Agassi may truly be Shakespeare’s greatest works come to life, it is his unparalleled levels of self-awareness that has prevented him from being consumed like most of the tragic figures in Shakespeare’s plays. He is simply undisturbed, unperturbed by the depth of material that he swims in on a regular basis.


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