This Week in Weird News:
and Eating Dog Poop
By Kevin Christian L. Santos
Hey gang, we just witnessed a rare lunar trifecta! Were you able to see the lunar blood moon? It was pretty cool:
The rare phenomenon must have triggered some weirdness into our world, because we got lots of WTFs happening this week. Starting with…
1. Woman has balloons injected into her face to fight off cancer
In China, a woman had balloons injected beneath the skin of her face in an effort to remove a cancerous birthmark on her face.
23-year old Xiao Yan was born with a birthmark that stretched across her face. The birthmark is a congenital melanocytic nevus, a rare birthmark that affects one in 100 infants.
Xiao says that despite the mole, she was still able to have a fun, carefree childhood with her friends. However, doctors advised she needed to get treated ever since she started experiencing pain on her face in March of last year. Doctors say it may be a sign of cancer.
Doctors inserted four balloons under her face, and would inject them with saline solution. The solution expands the balloons, stretching her face in the process. The excess skin will act as a skin graft, covering the wound once the mole is removed. Her treatment will end in June this year.
“I used to feel sorry for myself,” Xiao said. “But I’ve grown up under the support of my family and now I’m much more positive.”
Here’s to a successful surgery for Xiao!
2. 80-year old man guilty of sexually molesting cows because reasons
In Britain, an 80-year old man has been banned from setting foot in ALL farms in the country after being found guilty of molesting cows.
Witnesses say they John Curno putting his arm inside a cow’s rectum and performing various sex acts in farms.
Susan Howie told the Uxbridge Magistrates Court that she saw Curno twice with his pants down “courting” her cows.
She said: “The cows are left unattended in the field especially in the summer we leave them in there day and night.
“I went out in my white pick-up truck and the gentleman was with a cow, he had his left hand interfering with the cow and his right hand on a part of his lower body, his shirt was covering it.
“He was masturbating you could see it moving up and down and his trousers and his boxer shorts were at his ankles.”
When Curno was arrested, he allegedly told officers “I’m not a violent person. I have a weakness with animals.”
Giving up on your diet and succumbing to sisig and unli-rice is a weakness. Molesting cows? Don’t think so.
Those cows have seen horrible things, and they’ll never be the same again.
3. “Emotional support peacock” barred from entering airplane
A woman wasn’t allowed to take her “emotional support peacock” with her on a United Airlines flight.
Even though she offered to buy the bird its own ticket, United Airlines says the bird wasn’t allowed due to weight and size restrictions.
After being in New Jersey’s Newark Airport for six hours, the woman decided to drive across the US instead with her feathery companion.
This is why the human race is doomed. Stop animal discrimination now!
4. Man finds foot-long centipede, kills it, mounts it on wall
— Michelle Broder Van Dyke (@michellebvd) January 29, 2018
65-year old Clayton Cambra from Hawaii is a manly man. Check out his moustache.
He told the Hawaiian Herald Tribune that he’s always been fascinated by “ugly creatures.” When he spotted a massive centipede, he did what other manly men fascinated by ugly creatures do: he tried to capture the damn thing with a bucket.
Clayton said “I put it in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer. Then after it died, I took it out and thawed it. And the next day, I put him on a piece of Styrofoam board and pinned him out and injected him with formaldehyde.”
The centipede clocked in at 14.5 inches long.
The former taxidermist says he even got an offer of $1,000 for the centipede, to which he declined.
“I don’t want to sell it. If I get rid of it, I ain’t got it. I want to keep it. People collect all kinds of things. I know people on the computer who collect these alive and keep ’em as pets. I don’t want that damn thing alive.”
Good point. Who would want to keep a giant centipede alive? A cow molester, that’s who.