After escaping from the Philippines, former Bamban mayor and alleged Chinese spy Alice Guo has been found in Indonesia by Indonesian authorities and deported right back to us. All is right in the world again.

Or is it? Now that she’s back, we have to deal with some of the things that transpired while she was on the lam. Things such as…

8. Who let her go through?

How did she get out of the country in the first place? Some said it was through Davao. How? Was it a friend? The president already said that “heads will roll” over this, yet Fred Durst clearly hasn’t sung a single riff from his hit song to this very day.

You know it.

7. What does it say about our law enforcement?

Indonesia has a far bigger land mass than the Philippines, yet the Indonesian authorities found their (wo)man. What does that say about our authorities? Hmmm.

6. We’re going to end up seeing her and Harry Roque in the same room at some point, aren’t we?

Both of them are being investigated for POGO shenanigans, and boy, they’re always box office gold when they’re front and center in these hearings, aren’t they? This could be the start of a beautiful friendship!

5. All of her defenders better shut up now, right?

Surely, after all these shenanigans, we can stop with the dumb narrative that the people going after Alice Guo were just a bunch of Sinophobic racists and that she’s the poor victim in all of this, right? It’d be really embarrassing for anyone to even try defending her at this point, even if they’re known propagandists, right? Right?

4. So she’s going to get sick soon?

It works all the time! Maybe a neck brace and a wheel chair for maximum sympathy during hearings?

3. We really vote for ANYONE.

Here’s someone who just appeared out of nowhere, and somehow managed to become a mayor. Just like that. Without anyone knowing who she really is, where she came from, and what she was doing before she even ran. Shouldn’t that raise alarm bells?

2. So how many Chinese spies do we REALLY have?

Surely she’s not alone? We could make a joke about our next possible suspects here, but that’d be wildly unfair and racist. Still. Surely she’s not alone?

1. So she gets to collect from all those offers for her to come back?

All those brands who trendjacked upon her escape are going to have to pay up now? From free juice to unlimited rice, she can either call the bluff of every single one of them.