8 Things Better
About the Original Universe,
Because We’re Living
in the Darkest Timeline
By Matthew Arcilla
Towards the end of the 20th century, we were told that the new millennium would bring about chaos, destruction and certain calamity. According to the history books, that did not happen. Despite all the exhortations to make our computers Y2K ready, despite all the prophecies of rapture and/or armageddon, human civilization marched forward with little to no incident.
But what if I told you that reality has fractured? That cosmic particles have collided and all of us left behind the original universe? That we are living the darkest timeline? Don’t believe me? Well here are all the better things happening over there that are not happening over here.
8. In original universe, characters of color are played by actual people of color
Blackface, yellowface, brownface. It’s the 21st century and Hollywood has been letting white people play Asians, blacks and Latinos for too long. But in the original universe, people of color are playing the parts that are meant for them and helping to author their place in popular culture. There, the The Last Airbender movie became the all-Asian sensation that won all the awards.
7. In original universe, your favorite TV shows have six seasons and a movie.
Cancelled, cancelled, cancelled. In this millennium, seeing television shows get chopped off the block too soon has become a familiar occurrence. But in the original universe, beloved TV shows see their storylines run their natural course and go on to get a feature film. Also, in that universe Two and a Half Men ran for two seasons instead of twelve.
6. In original universe, the Metro Manila Film Festival is not a joke.
Once upon a time, the Metro Manila Film Festival was a celebration of artistic accomplishment, or at the very least, social realist importance. But in this darkest timeline, it’s synonymous with pandering and stupidity. We saw a glimpse of what could be when space and time fritzed out last year and briefly gave us films like Seklusyon and Sunday Beauty Queen. That is until the Reality Police stepped in.
5. In original universe, all your favorite star couples are still together.
Surely there is at least one celebrity couple you believed in that is no longer together. For some it was the wholesome likability of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. For others it was the comedic cuteness of Anna Faris and Chris Pratt. For some it was the blinding star power of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. But here in the darkest timeline, they are couple no more.